How to Drive the XMen Characters Insane
by Keiko Reine Frost
Summary: How DO you drive the X-Men insane? Simple: bring an annoying 'mutant student' to the school. Craziness is to be expected. Riffing is standard. Tormenting is a given.
1. My Arrival And Guess What Jean Found Out

**WAYS TO ANNOY THE X-MEN MOVIE CHARACTERS**

**Hi. This is my story of How to Annoy the X-Men Movie Characters. I go to the school and drive them mad in a different scenario every chapter. I hope you like it—it's my first Humor and X-Men Movie FanFic! Please R&R! Just give it a chance, okay?**

**Disclaimer: Wolverine wouldn't let me own him in fear of me making him into a whiner-baby. Wonder why.**

Prologue

"You'll be safe here, I promise." Xavier assured me.

I smiled and nodded. "Thank you, Professor."

He wrote something down (probably sketching up a school record) and smiled politely, "What's your name again?" I knew that he could read my mind and look it up—or at least he thought he could—so I took it at as a sign of chivalry. "Vendetta." I replied. His lower lip started to tug into a frown, but he faced me calmly and asked, "Sounds rather evil, don't you think?"

"Don't worry." I said modestly. "I'm not evil." He nodded, and I could tell he was checking my mind just in case. Thank the power of Fanfiction that I could set up a wall of imaginary thoughts for him to read instead. He obviously found the thoughts acceptable and started to move forward with his wheelchair. In a low voice behind his back, I murmured, "At least I don't fraternize with the enemy."

He stopped his wheelchair just in time. "What?" He asked. "Excuse me?"

"Nothing, nothing." I replied, pretending to not notice the group of students gathering to listen in. "I'm just saying: Magneto probably knows all of our strategies because you try them out in chess." I raised my voice. "Admit it, Pro; you play chess with him every Thursday! And you have Bingo Nights on Saturdays!" Some of the students gasped.

Logan took his cigar out of his mouth and raised an eyebrow at the Professor. "What?" His voice lowered angrily. "You what?"

"It is nothing." Xavier said in stressed tone. "I don't have to explain myself to you."

I stepped in front of the two men. "Oh, but you do! We have to explain ourselves to you!" My eyes narrowed and I faked a worried look. "Don't you respect us equally?" Xavier's face was pained.

A few of the students were now murmuring loudly against him. "That is very rude to think." He scolded a certain student.

I sprang into the center again. "See! He even reads our minds without our permission! I thought you said it was rude!"

"Yeah!" Jean Grey called. "That's what he told me!" Loud murmurings were growing. Scott's arms were folded tightly, and Logan was angrily biting at his cigar.

Xavier glared lightly. "Show respect, Vendetta." He ordered.

"And now he's bossing me around!" I cried out. Bobby and Rogue gave Xavier a disgusted look and patted my shoulder in comfort. I pretended to cry.

Xavier gave a desperate look to his students. "I respect you all! You must know that. Vendetta, I'm not sure we can trust you to keep the peace."

"And now he's says I'm a troublemaker!" I sobbed, covering my grinning face with my hands. "And I haven't even been here that long!"

"Hmm." Logan commented but he added nothing else. Scott held Jean's hand silently and led her away.

Xavier gave me an annoyed look. "Behave yourself, Miss Vendetta." He warned me before rolling his wheelchair off.

I called after him, "Let me guess! Heading over to Magneto, huh?" His face reddened and he moved faster away.

I grinned as soon as all the students left. I was here on a mission: to humiliate/annoy/embarrass/aggravate the X-Men movie characters.

Chapter 1: Scott, Logan, and Jean

Scott slipped past the hallway door and started to move toward the kitchen. Quickly I sprang in front of him, faking a sympathetic look. Operation: Scott was in effect. "I'm really sorry." I told him, keeping pace with his stride.

"Sorry about what, Vendetta?" He asked, puzzled.

I widened my silver eyes. "You didn't hear? They should've told you…after all, what are they going to do when the baby shower comes 'round?"

Scott stopped and frowned. "Whose baby shower?"

I gave him an exasperated look. "You really don't know?"

"No."

"Jean's pregnant."

Scott slumped to the floor. I bent down and helped him up. "T-that's great!" He finally managed to stutter. "I didn't know…"

I pretended to wince. "But you don't know who the father is." I reminded him. His face turned chalk-white and scarlet at the same time.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Scott demanded.

I shrugged my shoulders exaggeratedly. "Oh, nothing." I assured him before purposely lowering my voice. "It's just…secretly, Jean's married."

"WHAT????"

"Yeah. To Logan." I replied.

ZZAAP! Hmm. I hope they don't need that cupboard anymore.

Scott's chest was heaving hard and his shoulders were tensed up. His mouth was split into a huge grimace and his optic blasts were set on 'high'. Ooh, this was going to be good!

"Yeah." I continued casually. "They got married about four years ago. But Jean lost track of him and thought he died, so she dated you." I was making this up as I went along, but Scott was eating it up word for word. _Want some BBQ sauce over that lie of mine? _I thought mischievously. "Anyway, when he came back…well, she was confused about what to do. So they decided not to get a divorce." I frowned. "Jean was _supposed_ to tell you."

"Well." Scott muttered bitterly, trying to clear his throat. "She didn't."

"Oh." I continued, pretending to ignore the nasty twitch Scott had developed. "Well, anyway, you can guess who the father is now."

"There's no possibility that I'm…?" Scott finally asked with the tiny thread of hope he had left.

Figuratively, I grabbed a sharp pair of scissors and cut the thread up into tiny little pieces small enough for amoebas to play with. "Nope!" I said cheerfully.

Scott frowned. "Well, how do you know?"

I hadn't thought of that. "Um, because the child has claws?" I guessed.

"The baby's already BORN??!" Scott's voice could get real loud. He should try out for yodeling.

"No." I assured him. "They just did a scan thingy to see what the baby looked like."

"An ultrasound?" He guessed incuriously.

I nodded. "Yep…they're naming it Winifred."

"WINIFRED??"

"Yep." Scott seemed extremely annoyed, and with his optic blasts set on High, I decided to continue on with Logan's part. I made some excuse to leave, which wasn't necessary as Scott was too busy looking through Logan's things and blasting them up.

I found Wolverine drinking up a Coca-Cola in the living room, muttering something about a need for beer. A bold student suggested ending his drinking problem before racing out of the room. Logan looked over at me when a floorboard ever so slightly squeaked beneath my silver shoe. "Oh, hi. Vendetta, right?" He said, not sounding very interested.

I ignored this and sat down a foot away from him on the couch. "Did ya hear what happened?" I asked him.

"No." He took a long swig. "And I really don't care." I hid a frown. He'd be harder to trick than Scott was. But I'd give it a try.

"I feel really sorry for Rogue." I continued loudly. His eyes widened, and finally he put the soda down.

"What happened to Rogue?" He asked, playing along.

I sighed, shaking my head. "Scott should know better than picking on the students. But I guess the news made him mad, what with the baby's future to plan and all…"

"What baby?" Logan asked with narrowed eyes.

I gave him an 'It's so obvious!' look. "Scott got Jean pregnant." I explained. SPLASH! I hope that Coca-Cola doesn't stain furniture. And somebody's gonna need to pick up the broken Coke bottle, preferably somebody who doesn't get cut on glass.

"What??" He demanded as the broken glass fell out of his hands and the wounds healed. "She doesn't look pregnant!"

I sighed. "That's because she stays in _shape_, Wolvie."

"Don't call me that." He said distractedly. "I just can't believe it."

"Oh, you better believe it!" I purred before sighing dramatically. "I just wish Scott would control his anger better." Logan raised an eyebrow and looked at me through curious eyes.

"What'd he do?"

"He pushed Rogue down into the sand." I explained. "She couldn't breathe for a whole minute." Logan's adamantium claws threatened whip out. "What'd Bobby do?" He demanded angrily. I yawned. "He said it wasn't very nice, and Scott pushed his head into the sand too."

"That doesn't sound like Scott." Logan growled, barely able to control himself.

I grimaced. "Well, that's what he did. I would've spoken up, but he left before I could."

Logan's eyes flashed to me. "Were you the only one who saw it?" He demanded. I shook my head, giving him a Look.

"Please. Don't be so stupid, Wolvie." I waved, indicating a few classrooms. "Jubilee and Colossus saw it too."

Logan's breathing became loud and ragged. "I'll talk to them about it." He told me, eyeing me as if he expected me to admit I was lying.

"Okay." I replied, waiting. He strode off to Xavier's classroom where Jubilee was. I followed, curious to see what happened next. Of course I had to stay behind a corner, but I could hear it all clearly.

"Wheels! I need to talk to Jubilee here." Logan's voice sounded tense.

"Uh, very well. Go ahead, Jubilee." Xavier's voice sounded confused. I had been messing with his power lately. His telepathy wasn't as good as it could be.

The sound of heavy boots and high heels walking together alerted me that Logan and Jubilee were coming this way. Quickly I sprang behind a one foot-tall green plant, not really thinking about it. Fortunately they didn't pass the wall. Instead, they stood right in the hallway between Xavier's door and the room I was in, where I could see their shadows on the back wall.

"The new kid Vendetta told me about Scott being, er, mean to Bobby and Rogue. Did you see that?" His voice was gruffly embarrassed; he must've felt like a total idiot! I pulled my fist back slowly, whispering, "Yeessss!"

"Huh? Oh, um, yeah, yeah." Jubilee's shadow hand ran through her hair. "I, um, saw Scott force Rogue and Bobby into the sand and suffocated them for a whole three minutes." I winced.

"I thought it was only one minute."

"That's what I meant, Logan. One minute." Jubilee sounded nervous. Logan's shadow paced a bit in the hallway.

"Fine." He growled. "Thanks, Jubilee. Go back to class." Jubilee nodded and her shadow faded, the sound of her heels clacking growing quieter.

"Vendetta was right." Logan said to himself before thrusting his body out of the hallway and back into the living room across from the room I was in. I kept myself hidden behind the plant until he was gone and giggled loudly.

Suddenly I was aware of a student standing beside me.

"Uhh…?" The student managed to say. "What are you doing?"

I rose myself indignantly. "What?" I snapped. "You don't hide behind plants and giggle?"

"Um, no. No I don't." Flea looked very uncertain about me, and a little bit weirded out, but that was okay. He backed slowly away from me.

"Well you should." I huffed, folding my arms over my chest. "It's very fun. Just don't hide in poison oak." Flea looked really weirded out by now and left as fast as he could. I made a mental note to bug him as soon as my schedule was clear.

"Vendetta?" Jubilee's soft voice sounded fearful. I turned and saw her back where she and Logan had been talking, her head poking out of the hallway. I motioned for her to come and pulled myself out of the plant.

"Vendetta, I'm so sorry about the three minutes thing." She stammered. "I forgot the time span, and—"

"Shh." I soothed. "Relax. You did great."

Jubilee seemed comforted by this and her shoulders loosened. "I did okay?"

"Yes. You did fine."

"Um, do I still get paid?" She asked. I rolled my eyes and handed her a five-dollar bill. She snatched it up eagerly and held it to her face. "Thanks!" She said cheerfully as the school bell rang.

"You better go before Xavier looks for you." I pointed out.

Jubilee turned around to leave. "By the way, I was meaning to ask you." She said over her shoulder. "Xavier's mind-reading seems to be off today. Do you know anything about it?"

"No! Uh-huh! Absolutely not." I think I did a pretty good job of sounding careless.

Jubilee gave me a funny look similar to the one Flea gave me when I told him about hiding behind plants. "Okay then." She said before heading out. I straightened, watching all the students leave. Now I needed to find Scott and Logan again.

I found Scott first. He was slurping down a Coca-Cola like it was a heavy alcohol. "Hey, buddy." I said cheerfully.

He barely acknowledged me. "How could she?" He whispered.

"I don't know." I told him. "But Logan wants to see you. Maybe he wanted to talk about—"

"Where is that—" Scott started to say.

I held my ears. "Uh-uh! No cursing in front of the children!" He gave me a look that seemed to wonder why a girl my age wouldn't want to hear cussing but accepted this.

His brow furrowed and he forced out, "Where. Is. Logan?"

"Over with Jean on the couch." I said casually. "She left a little while ago to make, um, doilies for Winifred because she's behind schedule." I could tell he wasn't really listening to that part because he didn't ask why the baby needed doilies. Scott started to march over there, but I quickly raced after him. "Wait!" I cried. "The other couch!"

"What other couch?" Cyclops asked fiercely. I quickly pointed to the elevator.

"Over there!" I said, not really paying attention to where I was pointing. Scott made a face.

"In Cerebro?" He asked in shock.

I mentally scolded myself but continued making the innocent face and nodded. "Xavier put a couch in Cerebro!" I explained.

Scott still looked confused. "How'd Logan get in there?"

"He, uh, knocked on the door?" This seemed to satisfy Scott and he quickly headed over there. This was totally out of his way, which gave me some time to sneak to where Logan was walking past. "Logan!" I called.

He stopped and turned to me. He started to say something (probably do some kind of Wolverine-apology for doubting me) but I interrupted him. "Scott's saying he's going to beat you up!" I told him.

Logan made a face and his claws shot out. "In his dreams!" He snapped. "Why?"

"He said it was because, because…" I couldn't think of anything. "Because you're an idiot, he said, with stupid little kitty-cat claws and bad taste in clothing!" Logan looked like that made absolutely no sense, which it didn't, but nonetheless decided to fight him for revenge on what 'happened' to Rogue and Bobby and having Jean to himself.

"Where is he?"

"In front of Cerebro, talking smack about you to Jean and the Professor." Logan headed over there immediately. I whipped out my tiny blue-gray metal pocket watch key chain. I still had time. Quickly I ran down the stairs to the dorms, nearly knocking Storm over in the process.

I ran straight over to the closet and pulled out the wooden booth I'd made. A group of students were gathered around, tapping their feet impatiently. "Hold on!" I raged as I struggled to set it up. I grabbed a hat and stood behind the booth, my hands folded on the wooden board with my silvery claws/nails glistening in the light. "Tickets are now on sale!" I declared.

"Where's the fight going to be?" Bobby asked as he bought two tickets for Rogue and himself.

I pointed. "In Cerebro!" A few students gasped, causing me to hurriedly add, "Don't worry, the doors will be opened in five minutes!" This made them all rush to buy tickets.

Suddenly Colossus screamed out, "Teacher coming!" I threw a giant My Little Pony blanket I had grabbed from one of the older students over the booth and sprang in front of it, subtly handing tickets to those who had paid.

Xavier's wheelchair moved forward slowly. "What are you doing?" He asked skeptically. I shrugged. "Nothing. Just associating and getting to know each other." Randomly kids began talking to one another. Xavier studied me for a moment, and finally sighed. "Why is it that my telepathy has been off, Vendetta?" He asked me. I shrugged.

"Don't know. Maybe you drank one too many Slushies and have a brain freeze." I suggested. A few kids chirped in agreeably. Xavier gave us the bug-eyed look and just moved his wheelchair past us. I breathed a sigh of relief and waited until he was completely out of hearing. Then I whipped the blanket off the booth and cried out gleefully, "We also have foam-fingers, advertising Team Logan and Team Scott!"

"Yay!" The kids whooped happily. I smiled brightly and began taking the entrance-fee with pleasure. Before we knew it, it was time to run over to Cerebro. We all crammed ourselves in the emergency elevator for timing purposes.

I snuck over to the eye scanner on Cerebro and messed with the programming until the door opened silently. Xavier was in there staring at the fluffy green couch I'd put in there, wondering aloud, "When did we put this in?"

Subtly we all moved towards the walls and edges of Cerebro. I marched straight over to Xavier and waved, plopping myself down on the couch. "Hi, Charles!" I greeted.

His face made a pained expression that he didn't bother hiding. "Hi, Vendetta." He sighed. "What are you doing in here?"

"Same as you."

"You're trying to find out why your powers are not working?" He asked.

I scratched my head, careful not to slice off some of my dark brown hair with my three-inch long nails in the process. "Uh, yep."

Xavier narrowed his eyes. "You are not." He growled to me.

I shrugged wildly, thinking of something to say, when a student cried out, "Here they come!"

"You honestly thought you could fight me!" Logan's angry voice hollered out. The kids squirmed around in anticipation. Xavier gave me this look like I was secretly with the Brotherhood plotting to drive them all insane. Heh, heh, he was half right…

"How's Jean, huh, Logan?" Scott snapped back.

"Pregnant, from what I hear!" Logan shot back. They were now in the front of Cerebro, where Xavier usually is at, facing each other with angry eyes. Cyclops' visor was set on High Optic Blast yet again, and Wolverine's claws were fully extended. A few kids were cheering out, "Fight! Fight, fight!" but they didn't seem to notice.

"And whose fault is that?" Scott yelled to Logan, firing a blast at Logan's leg.

Logan leaped out of its range and charged Scott, slicing at his chest but Scott ducked this. "Yours!!!" Logan screamed in response as Scott fired again.

Xavier began moving his wheelchair forward to end the fight, but I quickly wrapped a handkerchief around his mouth and dragged him back to the couch. He said something in a garbled tone but I couldn't understand him. "What was that?" I asked politely but he didn't seem to want to answer with words. His glare said it all, but I don't speak Angryeyeinese.

"How is it my fault?" Scott demanded as he spun away from Logan's claws. Wolverine managed to slice his shirt once, and Scott managed to blast Logan's shoulder, which of course healed.

The fight was getting pretty tense when Jean walked in. "Professor!" She cried. I wonder why she yelled out for him. I mean, so what if he was tied to his wheelchair with a handkerchief over his mouth? How bad is that?

Then she caught sight of Logan and Scott's fight. "Scott! Logan!" She cried loudly, racing towards them. I had to think quickly.

I sprang in front of her in a heartbeat, twisted her around to face the students with her back to the sparring Romeos. "She's here, everyone! The soon-to-be mother!" I cheered out. All the students caught on and began wildly congratulating her. As I didn't fill them in on this part of my plan, they all truly thought she was pregnant.

Jean's face was freaked out. "I'm not pregnant!" She yelped, but wasn't heard over the cheers of the students, Xavier's smothered yells, and Cyclops' battle cry mixed with Wolverine's angry roar.

I patted her shoulder. "I know this is a shocker, but it'll be okay." I soothed her. "We have doilies for Winifred."

"WINIFRED??" Everyone exclaimed.

Rogue cleared her throat. "Um, lovely name." She lied.

Jean's left eye was twitching and she faced me. "Vendetta, I'm not pregnant!" I cupped a hand to my ear, telling her I couldn't hear her, so she yelled out as she continued, "I'm not!" Everyone got quiet soon after that, but she had already been yelling out, "Who's the father??" So that everyone heard.

Jean realized this and her cheeks reddened. Cyclops faced Wolverine and blasted at his head, missed, and got sliced by Wolvie's claws. "Hah!" He snarled before kicking Cyclops in the stomach.

Jean was horrified. "Logan!" She managed to scold. "Scott, are you okay?" She asked him worriedly.

"Fine." Cyclops said through his pain. "Not like you'd care how I feel."

"What?" Jean Grey asked, startled. I realized now that I needed to say something or else the truth would be exposed in front of all of the students.

"Let's have the baby shower NOW!!" I yelled out, pumping my fist in the air. The students followed suit and dragged a protesting Jean off to have the nonexistent baby's shower. Xavier gave me a glare again and managed to untie his hands and then the handkerchief.

"Vendetta…" He began vehemently.

"Bye Charles!" I called out. I rushed past Logan and Scott, and said loudly, "Winifred is going to be such a cute kid! He'll look a lot like his father!" This of course caused the two of them to get into a fight inside of Cerebro again, but that was perfectly all right with me. Xavier followed me angrily.

"Vendetta, I want—" He began. I interrupted him by covering his mouth with the handkerchief.

"Shh." I said. "Don't worry: I'll take you to the baby shower." Xavier's face told me that that would aggravate him, but that was what I was striving for anyway.

"Here: we'll go _**extra fast**_!" I flipped a switch on the back of his wheelchair that sent him rocketing out of Cerebro and into the Hallway of Unknown, probably to end up running over the students or something. It didn't really matter.

I walked over to the sprawling boys, who were now sprawled on the floor of Cerebro, wincing and moaning in pain, and told them sweetly, "Beast and Jean make a cute couple, huh?"

"Beast?" Logan slurred out.

I nodded and made a baffled face. "I did tell you it was Beast who was secretly married to Jean, right? Or was I wrong?" Scott's twitch came back, and Logan tried to slice at me with his claws, but he was badly wounded, still waiting to heal, so he only feebly raised his claws before his hand fell back onto his chest. I waved kindly and skipped off with the perkiness of a schoolgirl. That's what I was—I was in Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, and I **was** gifted.

I was gifted with the art of driving everyone around me insane.

**Review with Cinnamon Sugar on top! :P --Vendetta**


	2. Charlie Bites and The Love Triangle

**WAYS TO ANNOY THE X-MEN MOVIE CHARACTERS**

**Thank you for the reviews from Jinx of the 2nd Law and xRainCherryx! I appreciate reviews very, very much!**

**Disclaimer: I traded two packs of Spearmint gum for ownership over Logan, Cyclops, Storm, and Kitty, but than they wanted them back for the movies. Meanieheads. **

Chapter 2: Xavier

"Hey, Vendetta?" A voice called from outside of my room. I yanked myself off my bed and opened the door rather loudly. I had been reading a very good book entitled Making the Characters Angry: An Author's How-To Guide. In any case, I was a bit disappointed to stop reading.

"Yeah, Kitty?" I asked as I opened the door. She seemed nervous, her voice trembling a bit. Maybe she was scared after what happened yesterday with Logan and Scott's fight, along with how the Professor mysteriously showed up smashed against a wall with the wheels of his wheelchair still spinning away crazily. If you ask me (which many did), he should've known better than to flip the switch on the back of his wheelchair. (Then again, how can he reach it if it's at the way back of the chair: but that isn't necessary information for the moment.)

"I…Professor Xavier wants to see you in his office." She told me quickly. I shrugged the shoulders of my black overcoat that made me look like an insane dictator, especially matched with sleek calve-boots and silver-striped-and-black tights beneath a pair of knee-high blue Capri's. I stepped out of the room and she quickly left.

Xavier was in his wheelchair, facing the window that looked down at the students playing games outside. I cleared my throat loudly, which made him turn to me. He had an icepack on his head, along with a few aspirin in his hand. "Hello, Vendetta." He greeted warily, shifting the ice pack. "I just wanted to speak with you."

"What ever about, Charles?" I asked sweetly, batting my eyes like an innocent toddler. Charles' face showed a quick flash of fear; he must be afraid of toddlers.

"I wanted to know if you had anything to do with Scott and Logan's dispute," He asked. "And why Beast is now hiding from both of them."

I faked a surprised face. "How did Beast get involved in this?" I asked with widened eyes.

Xavier looked a little bit disgruntled. "Well, apparently, a student told them that Beast and Jean were married, and that Jean is carrying his child." Xavier frowned and added thoughtfully, "Speaking of which, Jean seems very upset whenever you mention the baby."

"So what? She had parenting issues." I told him importantly.

Xavier sighed. "My powers have been on the off side lately. I can't focus them anywhere, nor can I hear anything except a few thoughts in animal's heads."

"So you can read Wolvie's and Beastie's minds?" I asked blankly.

He looked up at me, not at all amused at my joke, and stared crisply into my eyes. "I'm not sure about you, Vendetta." He murmured.

I blinked. "What is there to be unsure of?"

"Well, for one thing, you haven't told us of your gift."

"I…" My mouth hung down, dropped and gaping. Finally, I made a dangerous gamble. "I can depict other mutant's powers."

Professor X seemed mildly peeved when I said this. "Uh-huh." He rubbed his forehead. "And do the mutant's powers often fade exponentially when you do?" His eyes half-closed as he tried concentrating once more on my mind, but that was enough of a mess already, so it was impossible to read anyways. I didn't answer. He opened one eye. "Vendetta? You didn't answer." His tired blue eyes both opened. "Do their powers start disappearing or malfunctioning?" He demanded, his voice growing rather sharp.

"Uh, nope."

"You sure?"

"Uh-huh."

Xavier gave me one final stare and nodded. "Okay, then, Vendetta." He looked away from me, careful to balance the icepack on his head. "I suppose I'm being a bit hard on you." His eyes were thoughtful and turning a bit on the blissful side. I grimaced angrily at his peaceful memories and bliss. That needed to change!

"A bit?" I snorted. He looked back over at me in surprise. "Do you know how hard it is to keep up with schoolwork and mutant powers?" I continued.

Xavier frowned thoughtfully. "Well, yes." He gave a nervous chuckle. "After all, I was in school once."

"Not mutant school!" I said in a singsong voice. His eyebrows shot down immediately.

"What's that supposed to mean, Miss Vendetta?" He asked. The doors to his office were open, and just as planned, five students have crowded in, listening.

"Well, school had to be easy for you. Your teacher wasn't a mutant."

Xavier stiffened. "I still strived to work hard," He told me. "And I was able to get straight A's."

I made sure my voice was plenty loud, and that all five students were intently awaiting my answer. One of the students was busy copying yesterday's homework from another student who was too busy to notice, but the other four were still awaiting my response. Ah, well: only 20% percent of the class wasn't listening, which meant 80% were, plus Charles.

"After all," I said in strained tone. "You just looked into your teacher's mind for the answers!" Everyone gasped, including Xavier, who was shocked at such an accusation.

"Vendetta!" He said. "I am shocked at such an accusation! I would never—"

I folded my arms over my chest and cocked my head to the ceiling, giving everyone a dry, sarcastic face and stance. "Please, Charlie, you _always_ wanted to be called on, because you always could **read her mind** for the answer!"

"I did not!" He said loudly. The students were watching us back and forth.

"You just positively abhorred it when there was a substitute. The sub never knew the subject, and suddenly you were shy to be called on!"

"What?" Kitty Pryde gasped. "Why, Xavier, why?"

"I didn't!" Xavier insisted. I strolled across the room, moving around him in circle like a predator coming in for the kill. His back went instinctively against the window just in case I tried to put his wheelchair on Extra Fast again.

"Just admit it, Charlie: it was too easy, too tempting. You just had to copy the answers from her mind!" My voice was loud and melodramatic now. The students all followed with the melodrama atmosphere and 'booed', 'oohed', and 'aahed'.

"That's even worse than having game nights with Magneto!" Rogue snapped.

"But I…" Charles began. I lifted a hand for silence.

When I got it, I declared loudly, "That is not the worse thing he has done!" Everyone gasped and stared at the Professor in horror. He in turn stared at me with an angry look on his face and his mouth was moving to the words, "I really dislike you, Vendetta". I dismissed this.

"Charlie," I continued in my most dramatic tone as Logan, Scott, and Storm entered. "Charlie…bit my finger!!"

"I WHAT??" Xavier wasn't lip sinking anymore. I could hear him quite well, actually.

"HE WHAT??" All the students exclaimed. Kitty protectively hid her hands. Xavier rolled his eyes as Colossus stepped forward.

"It's true!" He agreed. "I saw it too!" The students gasped once more and began booing him. Xavier gave me an enraged look.

Logan's face was hard to decipher, but I think it was along the lines of bemusement and aggravation. "The Professor wouldn't." He told the students carelessly. The students looked at him, puzzled, and looked back at me for an explanation.

I pulled out my hand, making sure to keep it away from Charles, and showed my pointer finger to the children. "See?" I demanded, pointing at it. The kids looked surprised and 'oohed'. On my finger was a dark-red line inside of a purple bruise. Thank goodness that none of the kids tried looking closer or else they would've realized that it was just Magic Marker, slightly smeared.

Xavier's eyebrows twitched. "That's nothing." He growled.

I made myself cry slightly. "It hurt!" I stated. The children immediately began 'booing' Xavier, Cyclops being the loudest of all (don't ask why), and marched off, enraged.

Logan studied me skeptically as I exited rather quickly before Xavier tried running me over with the wheelchair (Believe me, it's happened before. Ever heard of Ice Dawn, Raccoon, or Paige? You never see them in the movies or comics. Wonder what happened to them, huh?)

"I don't believe you." Logan said bluntly.

I patted his shoulder. "There, there Wolvie." I soothed. "I know you believe me, because you've got a good reason to believe me."

"What's that?" He hissed through his teeth.

I leaned in and whispered, "I know your past. I know what you did."

Logan's eyes widened. "What I…what happened to me?"

"Oh, you scared an old lady and you destroyed her sink without paying for it. Then again, the house _did_ blow up..." I replied swiftly, sailing smoothly out.

Xavier's eyebrows were still twitching, and Storm was just looking back and forth saying, "Wait. I don't get it. Charlie bit your finger? Who's Charlie?" Then she looked at Professor X and said loudly, "Ohh—Charles bit your finger!"

"Thank you, Storm, for clarifying." Xavier's stressed voice said as I headed back to my room. As I sat back down on my bed and picked up my book, I realized that this was getting fun for everyone. Well, mostly me.

Part 2: Jean

"Hi, Jean!" I called cheerfully as I strode into the hallway. "How's the baby?"

"I'm not pregnant." She growled, her fists clenched.

I gasped. "You got an abortion?" I exclaimed.

She rolled her eyes. "I'd never do that. I hate killing." She told me.

"Suure. If you insist…" _Like I'm going to believe that._ I paced a few steps, encircling her, and asked thoughtfully, "Who do you love, Jean?"

"What?" She asked, startled. "How is that important to you??"

"Everyone's saying that you and Beast are an item." I began.

She cut me off. "Who started THAT?" She demanded.

I shrugged. "Wouldn't know. But I hear the person is intelligent, clever, talented, a great writer, and…"

"Probably a she-nerd that sits at the computer all day." She snorted. I reached for a hammer when she turned her back, but then she turned toward me again and I had to abort the mission. "Fine. It's not true." She told me dryly.

I shrugged. "You never know." I pointed out.

Jean made a face. "I do." She countered.

"So that leaves you with a love triangle."

"Wha-what?"

"You and Scott are dating." I explained. _Or maybe not, after Winifred._ I thought mischievously. "But after what happened in The Last Stand and the love-life with Wolvie?"

"Huh?" Jean's face was beet-red. "The Last Stand?"

"That's not important."

"Uh…anyway," The puzzlement was replaced with shifty embarrassment. "Nothing happened between Logan and I." Smoothing her skirt with a final huff, she trotted off, her eyes deep in thought. I sighed impatiently. _This isn't working. Time for the direct approach._

SLAMM! Jean sprang back, her back arched back like some kind of upright cat. "What?" She gasped. I shrugged. "Funny. I guess doors just slam like that in a school full of mutants." I pulled out a portable video screen. "It was good you didn't leave. I wanted to show you this." I slid the movie in and waited for the menu to appear.

"Huh?" Jean demanded when I read out the menu options. "Join the Brotherhood! What kind of idiot would do that?"

"You'd be surprised…"

"Huh?"

I pointed to the screen. "Never mind. We'll take a stand."

Jean pouted. "How come Storm is on the menu?" She asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

I blinked. "No clue. But she did a great job."

"Yeah, sure." Jean growled with her arms folded over her chest. I clicked the Take A Stand option and clicked 'play'. A spurt of different comics hued in red appeared for a brief moment. "Is this movie about…us?" Jean asked timidly.

I rolled my eyes. "Duh. That's why it's called 'X-Men'."

"But we were being filmed!" She exclaimed. "I didn't, I mean, I wouldn't…" She touched her head softly. "I don't remember what happened then."

"Yeah, that's because I'm tweaking with the timeline and characters, as I can in a FanFic." I ignored Jean's constant demands about what a FanFic and began skipping through the scenes.

Jean was constantly peering over my shoulder, exclaiming, "What happened, what happened?" Finally we got to the scene where she came out of the water.

"Why am I not wet?" Jean Grey asked.

I elbowed her away. "It explains later!" I sighed and skipped. "We didn't need to see that. Just you killing Scott." Jean's jaw dropped in horror. _Hmm, an idea; ah, maybe later. _I skipped past the scene with Xavier telling about the Phoenix, much to Jean's chagrin, and finally got to the ending credits.

"We shouldn't watch this." Jean squeaked.

I paused it and nodded. "You're right." Her relieved eyes were too much. "So I'll put it on the big screen in Cerebro!" I bounded ahead with the DVD in hand. Jean darted after me. "HEY EVERYONE! LET'S WATCH JEAN'S LOVE TRIANGLE!!" I screamed as I ran along.

"Give me that!" Jean yelled, snatching at the DVD I kept waving in her face.

Charles Xavier was standing inside of Cerebro, his low voice muttering to Scott, "I didn't bite her finger." Scott didn't seem convinced to me, but both were certainly surprised when I ran in, followed closely by Jean and a bunch of other students. "What are you doing, Vendetta?" Charles demanded. I grabbed a remote beside the helmet he wore when operating Cerebro and placed the DVD inside.

"No!" Jean yelled, her eyes growing dark. I threw a straightjacket at her.

"Oh, shush it." I told her.

"What's going on?" Scott demanded, moving towards Jean, who was fumbling with the straightjacket.

"I'm playing Jean and Logan's declaration of love for each other on the big screen." I told Xavier.

"There is no big screen!" Xavier protested. Click! The walls tiles spun and revealed a plasma screen TV. Xavier dabbed at his forehead. "That wasn't there." He stammered.

Storm sighed. "Now we know why he always needs to be in here."

"Storm!" Xavier protested.

"And why he doesn't let anyone else in it." I added. Xavier passed me a glare. I smiled and waved, much to his horror. The students began yelling out, waving newly discovered picket signs.

"What exactly is this scene anyway?" Scott asked skeptically. I shrugged and found the place I had stopped at.

"The extra-extra surprise ending that Marvel didn't want you guys to see." I explained. "That's why they put it in the credits; nobody watches those unless they know something's gonna happen."

The audience added their agreements, along with a few other protests. "Come on, play the scene already!" Kitty called.

I clicked it, hoping I'd done a good enough job with the puppet-work.

…

"That was…freaky." Bobby finally said.

Rogue nodded. "Creepy." She added. "What was with the puppets?"

"They needed a clip to show that matched the voices." I explained innocently.

"The puppets used were Oscar the Grouch from _Sesame Street _and Blue from _Blues' Clues _." Storm pointed out. As she spoke, Jean's face was red, and Scott was setting his optic blasts on high again. Seriously, he should just keep it on that level.

"What's going on in here?" Wolverine demanded, entering with a dying cigar.

Colossus shrugged his muscular shoulders. "Oh, nothing." Logan relaxed. "We're just watching you declare in a falsetto voice that you love Jean and the color pink." He explained. Who knew Logan could sputter like that. Huh. I guess we all have hidden abilities.

Xavier was rubbing his temples. "Students, please leave. Jean," He added. "We do not wish to see your love triangle—however horribly acted—issues on the screen—"

"Yes we do!" All the kids chimed in.

"—in Cerebro." Xavier finished.

Scott's arms tensed. "Why don't you just date Logan?" He hissed to Jean.

Logan's eyes widened and he subtly played the scene again to himself. "Scott, I don't want to leave you: I love you." She told him, trying to hold his hand.

Scott stepped away from her. "What about Beast?"

"I'm getting rather put out with all the rumors of Jean and I being secretly married!" The blue-furred mutant called out.

Loudly, I called, "**They're** secretly married? I **didn't** know!" Xavier tossed me a Look that told me I was adding to the mayhem. _Good._ I winked and he glared.

"I don't remember saying any of this." Logan spoke up.

I rolled my eyes, folding my black trench coat's sleeves over my chest. "Like that's a surprise. What DO you remember?" Logan's claws shot out, but I just sneaked behind him when he was distracted. "It's not Jean's fault!" I called out Logan's side. Jean gave me a surprised, begging look. "She loves Scott." I said loudly, causing the students to go, "Awwww," and Logan to put his claws closer to my neck. I just pulled out a spray can of permanent Forever Pink paint and squirted it all over Wolvie's right-hand claws. He started to say a word that made him get detention with Xavier after school.

"Like I said," I continued as Colossus dragged Logan away from trying to claw my eyes out. "It's not Jean's fault. It's the Phoenix's!" A few kids started murmuring loudly.

Jean Grey just blinked slowly while Xavier started looking around guiltily again. "Who's the Phoenix?" She asked.

"Jean." I explained.

Silence. "But…"

"Jean loves Scott, but the Phoenix loves Logan." I explained.

Scott was tapping his foot impatiently. "What's that supposed to mean?" Bobby Drake demanded in surprise.

I smiled. "Jean is the Phoenix, but the Phoenix isn't Jean."

"WHAAAT??"

"Jean is the Phoenix." Man—Xavier does not teach them comprehension here, does he?

"But if Jean is the Phoenix," Storm sputtered out. "Then wouldn't she love both Scott and Logan?" Many kids declared their agreement.

Jean glared at Ororo. "_Thanks,_ Ororo, thanks."

"No! You're getting it wrong!" I cried out. "Jean loves Scott! The Phoenix loves Logan!"

Logan snorted, trying to scratch the pink of his claws with his other claws. "I need…naipolmishremobr." He mumbled.

"WHAT was that, Logy Bear?" I asked loudly, inclining my ear.

Logan glared again. "Just give me some stupid polish remover!" He bellowed. Rogue and Bobby started laughing, which led to a loud yelling fight with Logan.

Jean shook her head. "No, I'm not the Phoenix!" She told me. "Xavier would know about it, and tell me!"

"My, erm, telepathy's been off lately." Charles mumbled somewhat nervously.

Scott twitched in impatience. "Just tell me who to attack already!" He snapped. Colossus and Jubilee started making faces at him, much to his annoyance, which led to a chase around Cerebro. Did you know that if somebody falls off the ledge in Cerebro, they go sliding around and around in a little circle until the _wayy_ bottom, which makes an echoing noise as you fall?

"Scott, I'm not cheating on you!" Jean cried desperately. "I love you!"

"That would be Jean." I mused to myself amidst all the mayhem.

"Logan, don't hurt Iceman!" She yelled out.

"That would be the Phoenix." I decided.

"VENDETTA!!" Xavier's voice REALLY carries. "You are in _DETENTION_!"

"NO NEED TO SHOUT!" I called back cheerfully.

Xavier's left eyebrow twitched. "Just. Go. Away." He ordered me over the noise of running and yelling of the other X-Men. I skipped off, wondering when the confetti and 'It's A Boy!" banner had appeared on the wall.

**Those who love how I'm torturing the X-Men, Review Please!!**

**If you want more explanation on the 'Charlie Bit My Finger' thing, go to YouTube and type in 'Charlie Bit My Finger—Again" and watch it. That should hopefully explain it for you!**

**So…my next chapter shall deal with me in detention with Xavier and Logan (he got detention for almost saying a very naughty word, remember?). Some ideas are completely welcome—after all, I haven't typed the chappie yet, so like I said, funny but clean ideas are Welcomed with the Bottom of My Black Hole. Jk**

**Review and I'll give you a Paper Clip!! *'What do you mean I can't give them a paper clip via reviews?' (Listens) 'Well, you _should've_ thought of that before!'* Heh, heh. Reviewing is still nice.**

**B) (8**

**--Vendetta**


	3. Why Stores & Detention Shouldn't Mix

**Hey, everyone! I'm ba-ack!**

**Glad you're still reading. XD**

**Many thanks to: Jinx of the 2****nd**** Law and Yugoma!!**

**Kay, I couldn't think of much to happen in detention with only three students. To spare you guys from dragging characters out of my other stories, I gave us a field trip to the best place I could think of: it's at…well, you'll see.**

**Note: Still don't own the X-Men, but apparently I am capable of torturing them without ownership.**

Chapter 3: Detention Field Trip

_Vendetta, Logan—please report to detention._ Xavier ordered through our minds. _And Vendetta? No funny business._

_Cancel the monkey circus!_ I replied cheerfully. I felt a wave of annoyance ripple out from Charlie. I saw Logan beside me, thoughtfully chewing on a cigar. I hid a disgusted face at the cigar: _thanks for polluting our air._ I thought dryly.

"What?" Logan's furious eyes stared at me. I shrugged. "You're staring at me, and I don't exactly trust you right now." He snapped. I faked a gasp. "I'm trustworthy, aren't I? Innocent and humble too." Logan snorted and rolled his eyes. I skipped off and headed to detention.

The room had a gray screen covering its window, the kind you'd see in police offices so that you could only see shadows. I could see Charlie's baldhead, nodding, probably speaking during a lecture. The wooden door had sharp scratch marks all over the door, along with a few burn marks and smashed splinters of wood. Guess detention really _is _full of rebels.

Logan came beside me, muttering how stupid it was that _he_ was in _student's_ detention. I giggled and entered quickly before Logan could shot me a threatening glare. He just shot out his claws, his left ones notably. For _some_ reason, he apparently doesn't like pink claws. I wonder why. He followed me nonetheless.

"Ah, Logan, Vendetta." Xavier greeted, his face looking a little anxious about me being here. I smiled evilly, that insane, psychotic grin, and he rolled his wheelchair back a few paces in response. Logan snorted, but I noticed he was keeping quite a few feet away from me too. "I'd like you to meet our only detention child for the afternoon: John."

"My name is Pyro!" John snapped. Xavier gave him a warning look. "This is what got you in detention in the first place. First the name switch, and then you burn down the entire classroom!" I gave the detention kid another glance. His blonde hair was spiked up, and he kept flicking a lighter on and off. I yawned. _Sheesh…does anybody interesting get in detention? Man…_

"Chuck, you've got to be kidding me." Logan said through his cigar. "I'm the only adult here." I made a crybaby face at him and John sneered at Wolvie. Logan glared in response and kept his steel-gray claws out warningly. Xavier looked at Logan with a 'not amused' look. "Perhaps when you stop behaving like a child, you can get—"

"Big-boy punishment?" I cut in helpfully. Xavier shot me a withering look. "No, Vendetta." He looked back at Logan. "Try giving these children an example to follow, hmm?"

"Down with books! Down with learning!" Pyro cried out, pumping his fist in the air. It lit alive with bright flames after the brief click of his lighter. Logan made a face. I inched toward Pyro, sensing how annoyed Logan and the Professor were at him. "So…Pyro, is it?" I greeted as I sat down in the desk next to his in the far end of the detention room, far away from Charlie's desk.

"It's Vendetta, right?" He asked in a monotone.

"Uh-huh." Pause. "I like annoying people." For some reason, this crept him out. "Really—that's, uh, nice?" He guessed. I nodded. "Lots of fun; much better than joining Magneto. That way you can annoy him too." I explained. John blinked. "What, the bad guy?" He asked blankly. I gave him a look. "Noo, your Uncle Magneto who lives in Santa Barbara, California!" I said sarcastically.

"Hmm." He considered briefly. "Why are you asking me about this?"

"Because I think you'd be a good minion." I responded. He stiffened and jerked up in his tan school desk. "I'm nobody's little stooge!" He snapped a little too loudly. Xavier and Logan turned from where they were discussing Logan's detention sentence at Charlie's desk. "What was that?" Xavier asked in his fancy-schmancy little English accent. **(No offense to those with English accents—they're really cool!)** I clapped my hand over John's mouth. "Nothing!" I chimed.

Xavier sighed and went back to speaking with Logan. "Normally I'd let you leave, Logan, but right now I need you to remain here," He glanced over at Pyro and I. Logan followed his glance. "With these two being here, and with the—"

"How much do I get if I join you?" Pyro interrupted my hearing. I looked over at him. "We have smores, marshmallows, and dart games with everyone in the mansion's face on it." I whispered back. He considered. "Sounds good—wait, do you have one of my face?"

I made a cheesy grin. "We'll get rid of that one for ya." I promised. He sighed deeply. "Is it an amusing job?" He asked. I bit back a grin: another minion who'd fallen for it. _Hook, line, and sinker._ "The funniest." I assured him. John smiled that menacing little smile. "Well, let's find out. When's the first chance?" He glared at Xavier. "Wouldn't mind bugging him…"

"For now," I shot down his plot before he could plan any farther. "He's been annoyed for the moment. Right now I need to annoy someone _else_." Pyro's eyes glowed curiously. "Who?" He asked. "Jean?" I shook my head. "Nah. Not yet. Same with Scott and Beast." I lowered my voice, just in case. "See, I found out that Xavier's taking us on a field trip, trying to sooth us into being obedient students." I stared at Pyro and we both started giggling at the very thought.

"So who are we annoying?" Pyro asked eagerly. I scribbled the names on my desk. He read it, his lips moving with the words, and leered devilishly. "Hmm. That'll be good."

"John! Vendetta!" Xavier called. We snapped our heads back up. "Yes, Charlie?" We chimed together. John flicked the lighter lid and snapped it shut again. Xavier twitched. "We are going somewhere." He told us sternly. "And I expect you two to behave, understand?"

"You started it." I sniffed. Xavier's eyes bugged out. Logan retracted his claws and took a swig of a Coca-Cola. "Good luck, Charles." He laughed. Xavier narrowed his eyes. "You're coming too, Logan." He told him before wheeling out. "What?!" Logan snapped. I grinned toothily and waved at him. "Seat buddy!" I called out, dragging Logan toward the door, much to his displeasure.

John's only response was to flick the lighter open again.

Part 2: The Field Trip

"Hmm. This isn't the college." Xavier said, his eyes bright and wide in surprise. Pyro paced in a little circle impatiently. "So where are we then?" He asked Xavier even though he was looking at me. I grinned and made a 'my lips are sealed' motion. Xavier sighed, putting down the map. He closed his eyes warily, focusing on no person in particular. "Some kind of department store." He managed to learn. Logan took another swig of Coke. Lately he'd been addicted to the stuff. I made a mental note of that and spun to Xavier. "Maybe we should shop." I suggested.

Quiet filled the air. "Why?"

"Um…we learn sales and retail." I suggested. John nodded and stated with a straight face, "I would like to be a cashier at Dollar Tree; this is good experience." We both focused on how hard we could keep from bursting out laughing until Charlie finally waved a wrinkled hand. "Fine, fine. Get what we need." We raced along the charcoal-colored, smog-filled, littered parking lot and rushed toward the door. "And we don't need bazookas!" He screamed at us, causing a few shoppers and car passengers to stare at him.

John and I slipped through the shiny automatic doors and entered first into the flower department. John frowned and studied a sunflower, probably wondering how long it would take to rise up in flames. "Aw, you shouldn't have." I told him and grabbed a random flower. "Here." I tossed it to him when no employee was looking and heard him yelp and spring away. I guess he doesn't like Venus flytraps then.

Next I slipped into the gift area. The isles and racks were filled with dumb and cheesy knickknacks that I could buy at the 99 Cent store. I was studying a peculiar Dachshund curio wearing a fireman outfit when John dashed toward me. "So what we looking for here?" He panted, catching his breath after nearly slipping on the waxed white flooring. I blinked innocently at him. "Groceries." I answered. He folded his arms. "No, seriously." He took a step forward, pretending to look at another Dachshund knickknack and murmured "I know it was you who brought us here. I'm not sure how, but I know you did."

"Fine." I said at last before picking up another Dachshund. This one was dressed in a goofy looking imitation of a policeman uniform. "A romantic card, a funny card, something metallic and elegant, and a screaming mirror." John frowned. "Do they have those?" He asked. I nodded. "They better. Oh," I added, putting the Dachshunds down and wiping my hands on my long button-shirt, a replication of a schoolgirl's uniform but with my Vendetta look remaining. Along with the schoolgirl shirt, I had on navy school pants and white sneakers, just to mock Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. "I also need a thing of Coca-Cola and Diet Coke." I added. "Want to get those and the screaming mirror?" Pyro nodded and dashed off.

I moved swiftly and discreetly into the card section and flipped through the romantic cards. "For someone special?" A gruff voice asked dubiously. I scolded myself for not looking around and spun around to face the voice. A short, muscular man with sideburns stood there, his arms crossed. I faked a surprised and pleased smile and spread my arms out widely. "Logy Bear!" I shrieked, making the few people in the card section to pick a card and leave. Logan scowled. "Vendetta, what are you doing?" He demanded.

"Getting a baby shower card for Jean." I lied. He didn't look at the cards I was fingering through but kept his eyes locked on mine and said, "I didn't know wedding and anniversary cards are the same as baby shower cards these days."

"They aren't, Wolvie." His fists clenched at the nickname. "Then why are you here?" He demanded, gesturing to the cards. I shrugged. "Browsing." I replied.

"I thought you were getting a specific card."

"Yeah…for Jean. She wants me to get a card for her so she can give it to Beast. She said it would suffice for a baby shower present." Logan snorted. "Really?" He demanded. I nodded. "How about this one?" I suggested, not showing him what it read. "'My love for you is a thousand oceans deep, a million skies wide. I love you and Logan needs to take a shower.'" I read aloud. Logan snatched at the card, accidentally ripping it. I let him have it and shook my head scornfully. "You'll have to pay for that, Logy." I told him before I made a mad dash for the next card isle. "VENDETTA!" Logan screamed.

"Sir, you'll have to pay for that card." An employee wearing a white shirt, black pants, and a red vest told him. He let out a long growl and followed the man to the cash register. I waited until he was gone before slipping back into the card section and selected a card with a wine-colored rose on the front placed delicately on a maroon tablecloth and a blank inside. I dropped it in the cart I had grabbed while hiding from Logan and steered it to the next section.

I was in the middle of debating between a card with a stretched out dog's face and another card with a wrinkly old grandma sitting on a bench eating a club sandwich when Pyro dashed to my side, skidding sideways on the floor until he bumped into a rack of baby products. A store employee glared as he left them on the floor. After a long glaring contest with the employee, John grabbed a little musical baby trinket that played, 'It's A Small World After All' and dropped it in my cart along with a screaming mirror, which yelled when the trinket plopped down next to it.

I nodded approvingly at the dull metal screaming mirror with a small rose at the bottom of the handle. "Good choice." I told John. He wiped some baby formula off his shoulder. "You still haven't told me what these are for." He reminded me. I patted his other shoulder, the one with no baby formula on it. "I'll tell you after we buy them." I glanced around and made a secret agent pose, looking like a female version of James Bond. John didn't seem to think so, as he suddenly pretended to not know me. "There are spies all around." I told him, pointing to Wolvie looking at some cough drops with about as much interest as he would at a Mexican Bingo game. Pyro nodded. "I'll get the soda." He assured me before turning and exiting. I picked the grandma card and left the card racks.

"HEY—LOGAN!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as soon as the two employees walked off. I walked into the main isle, my hands halfway in the air, waving a pink medicine bottle. "I GOT YOUR _PEPTO BISMOL_—don't worry, it CURES DIARRHEA too!" I yelled to him. Logan made an angry dash at me. As I had counted on, he skidded on the shiny floor as John had. He crashed directly into a rack of baby bibs, a frilly pink one falling onto his neck. I opened up the Pepto Bismol hurriedly and poured it over his head and placed the bottle in front of him. He glared at me and started to claw his way out of the metal rack that he was trapped in. Employees and consumers dashed over, jaws dropped at Logan. "Hey, isn't that one of the mutants on the ten o'clock news yesterday?" A female employee asked. A customer nodded. "Yeah—I wonder if there's a reward." I didn't get to see the rest, as I was busily walking off calmly. "Hey, little girl!" An employee cried out. I hid a glare and spun on my heel towards them. "Yes, ma'am?" I asked politely. She pointed at Logan. "Do you know this man?"

Logan and I stared at each other for a long time, neither of our hatred and personal vendettas hidden. Finally I told her I did. The employee nodded and clicked her walkie-talkie. _Ooh, if I bag groceries, handle cash I can't have, and lug around boxes in K-Mart, I get a walkie-talkie. Sounds fair. _"Yeah—Code 7 in baby products." She clicked it off, letting its static buzz through the isle. "How do you know him?" She asked me. I blinked at Logan and smiled sweetly. Facing the Queen of Walkie-Talkies herself, I explained all that I knew:

"Wasn't he that mutant on the 10:00 news yesterday?"

"I knew it!" The customer cried out, pointing at the employee in exultation. I nodded calmly as Logan let out an enraged growl. "Wasn't he accused of growling at a young child?" I asked. The customer nodded again, not wanting to seem wrong. "That's what I heard." He told me. The employee considered.

"Green 3 to Red 9." She said into the talkie. _Are they playing stoplight or something?_ "We've got a fugitive here. Hurry over—might need backup." She looked at me as I walked off. "Is there a reward?" She asked. I skipped off and looked over my shoulder. "Probably." I answered before ducking into the next isle. It happened to be a bunch of music boxes that played classical music. I selected the cheapest one and a copy of 'The Once and Future King', special edition before searching for Pyro.

He was waiting for me in the soda isle, both sodas in hand. He dropped them into the cart and I sent him off with Logan's wallet to the Register 6 to buy it.

"Enjoying yourself, Vendetta?" An icy voice asked. I didn't bother leaping around; I knew it was Charles.

"Charlie Brown!" I greeted without looking over my shoulder. He snorted. "Don't you think you're being a bit insane?" He asked me, trying to appeal to my good side. I chortled. "A bit? I guess I'll have to try harder next time." I promised before walking off. "By the way, Logy might not want to stay in jail." I pointed over at a completely pink (the medicine, claws, and bib) mutant being dragged and pepper-sprayed out of the store. Xavier rolled next to me and I watched as his face flushed. "Um…umm…" He stammered. I studied my nails. "You might want to get him back before the baby shower." I clarified. I left Xavier gawking and headed over to help (more like watch) Pyro carry the bags to the car, which he managed to hotwire.

"I feel evil." He told me suddenly after the second car crash. So what if we didn't know how to drive? Blame the _teach_ers for not _teach_ing us. I nodded. "Told you the job would be fun." I pulled out a small Dachshund figurine from the bag. This one, oddly enough, was wearing a completely **pink** costume. Hmm…

Sometime Later, in Magneto's Hiding Place

Eric pulled out of the white gift bag a lovely card and wrapped gift. He smiled slowly, studying the wine-and-maroon cover. He opened it up and read the few words, _Thank you, Eric—Mystique._ He unwrapped the two gifts: a special edition of his favorite gift and a music box that played a classic Mozart piano song. He listened to it briefly, and then pulled out his book to begin reading…

Meanwhile…

Mystique smiled at the shiny black gift bag. She picked up the gift first; what was the point of reading first? She studied it in surprise. It was a mirror, turned backwards, made of fine metal. _Eric._ She thought and turned it around—

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Mystique leaped back at the loud cry and nearly hit her head on the rocky surface. Another mutant burst out laughing, mocking, teasing her. She glared at him with vicious yellow eyes and turned the mirror backwards again. In fury, she ripped the card out of the envelope and stared sickly at the picture of a lazy old grandma eating a big fat club sandwich. _What kind of sick joke is this??! _She wondered as she read the words viciously, making sure not to miss the slightest hint of wrong mail:

_My darling Mystique:_

_Why can't you be __**normal**__ for a change, woman? You look like exactly as these hints reveal, Raven. If you can change your appearance, I'd recommend it __immediately._

_Magneto (Quit calling me Eric)_

"I'LL KILL HIM!!" She roared as she stormed to his headquarters.

With Magneto

_Such a lovely woman._ He thought, half-closing his eyes in peace. _I must remember to thank her for such a lovely gift._

"ER—MAGNETO!!" Her echoed voice filled the hallway outside his room. Curious but too much in love to notice her tone, he made the biggest mistake of his long life:

He opened the door.

**Review please! Tell me what you think ;) **

**What should I do next in the baby shower? I thank you guys for the ideas given; sorry I didn't use them this time. Keep 'em coming though; I still need them. XP**

**--Vendetta **


	4. The Evil Power of a Baby Shower

**Hey guys! I'm back again! *Listens to angry yells of impatience* I know, I know. I'm really sorry I haven't updated in, say, **_**FOREVER.**_** I was busy with things that had nothing to do with painting Wolvie's claws pink and planning Jean's false baby shower.**

**Just to warn you...this chapter isn't what I expected it to be. It's basically an intro to the next chapter, where the *Actually Funny* stuff happens. So please be patient; I just wanted to get something down for you guys. Sadly though, it may take a while until I am once again able to post the next chapter. Until then, Review and Stay Awesome!!**

**Many Thanx to: GeekChic42, magic girlx, and Jinx of the 2nd Law!! I like to use many suggestions that reviewers give, so I'll be glad to take them, as long as you guys are offering them. =:) **

**Now then....off with the story!!**

Chapter 4: The Evil Power of a Baby Shower 

Ahh. A sweet breath of fresh air in the early morning.

"Lift the left side higher!"

So peaceful…

"Higher, I said!"

"I did!"

Relaxation galore. I closed my eyes and took in the savory peace of frustration. "The banner's going to be crooked, and when you realize that, you better not come crying to me!" Angel snapped to Bobby. Bobby frowned and climbed off the ladder, checking it for himself. "I think it looks fine." He answered. Rogue walked over to his side and studied it herself. "One problem though." She said.

"What?" Both boys asked.

"It's…well…." Rogue fumbled. Bobby looked her in the eye, concerned about his pride and joy (the banner). "Yes? It's?" He prompted. Rogue sighed. "It's wonderful." She answered. Bobby grinned in pleasure.

_Pleasure!!? _I almost choked on my glass of lemonade. _Pleasure is not something I can have!_ Immediately I jumped up to correct the problem. "There are a few things wrong with it." I told Bobby bluntly. Iceman's grin crackled into a small frown. "What's wrong with it then?"

"We-ell, for starters, it's pink and Winifred's a boy, the writing looks tacky, and you spelled every word wrong." I scolded. Bobby's eyes bugged out as he made a mad dash to study it again. "It…it was b-blue…" He stammered. I patted his shoulder (and ignore Rogue's growls at me).

"There, there." I soothed. "It's not that bad."

Not that bad?? I couldn't have done better myself! It was a hot pink with little sparkles that fell down randomly now and then, with bright yellow writing that looked like the equivalence of a shiny banana, and it wasn't even written accurately! It read as followed:

Jane's Baboon Shower Services

"I don't think that will suffice." I told Bobby. Bobby pouted in confusion. "It had said, 'Jean's Baby Shower'." He explained. "Who could've changed it in three seconds when I wasn't looking?" I blinked innocently.

"I heard that that's been happening a lot." I informed them. "The person calls themselves the, uh, Banner Bandit. They've been changing banners all over Westchester ."

"Really?" Rogue asked skeptically.

"Yes! In fact," I said. "It was on the ten o'clock news…_three_ _days ago_!" I added urgently, just in case they tried to rewind the ten o'clock news to see the segment on the Banner Bandit. Angel flew over the banner and nailed it even. "We don't have time to make another one." He explained when Bobby protested. "If we make it higher, no one will notice what it reads—especially with that font color." Bobby bawled in response. Rogue comforted him as best she could, but nothing came between Bobby and three hours of hard work, slaving under a bright lamp, working on a banner that changed in three seconds.

"It'll be okay." I soothed cheerfully. "Just make sure to come to the baby shower at eleven!" I waved to no one in particular and skipped down the wooden hall of the school. The fresh air was closed out, encircling the school because nobody had bothered to open a window. I headed over to Professor Xavier's office almost without thinking. As I leaned into the doorknob to enter, I realized he was speaking.

I muffled a giggle. _Xavier talks to himself! Where's a recorder when you need one?_ Xavier's sad voice echoed hollowly through his room. "…trust her with what's she's been doing. I think this is all a plot, a new sort of enemy." He stated.

A gruff voice broke through. _There's goes my Charlie Talks to Himself segment. Ah, well, I'll get it next time. _"She's evil, if you ask me." Logan muttered, probably between slurps of his Coca-Cola. Beast grunted. "Is it possible that this is a different way to destroy us, a new way to defeat us?" He wondered aloud. My jaw dropped in anger. How dare they think I'm evil! That I'm trying to drive them…okay, _fine,_ they were right this time. But next time they'd be wrong, okay? _Dead_ wrong!!!

"Uh, Miss Vendetta?" I blinked and tried to shake off my blind anger. A little kid was looking up at me in confusion. "Are you supposed to stand in front of Professor's office?" He asked loudly. I shushed him as quickly as I could and pressed my ear against the door nervously. There was silence. I inhaled deeply. They'd heard him! They knew I was listening!

I gritted my teeth and faced the toddler. "You whisper in front of doors," I scolded softly. "Whisper!" The kid looked puzzled but finally nodded slowly. "Okay." He answered in a normal voice. I almost smacked my forehead. _I know why Jean doesn't want to be pregnant; having a little brat like this can't be fun!_ The toddler looked at me in confusion. "Can I have a lollipop?" He asked.

"Whatever." I muttered. Then I brightened. "Uh, yes, actually! They're in Xavier's room! But you only get one if you barge in screaming 'Magneto's right!' over and over and throw a pan at each of their heads." I instructed. The toddler frowned. He was young, and rather dopey, but a flickering light bulb is glowing half the time.

"Isn't Magneto wrong?" The kid asked. I shook my head exaggeratedly. "Nooo, Magneto's right."

"Isn't he bad?"

"Yes. He's very bad." _**Very bad**__ly wounded if Mystique got a hold of him._ "But he is right…handed! Yes, Magneto's right-handed!" I explained joyously. The kid's brain bulb pretty much died out about there. "Ohhh." The child said. "I get it. I say 'right-handed'?"

"No. They'll know what you mean by 'right'." I assured him. He blinked hopefully. "Really?" He asked with sparkling eyes. I nodded. "Yeah. Really."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Really-really?"

I suppressed a yell. "Yes." I answered through gritted teeth. The child paused in consideration, and asked again, "Really-really really?"

"What, are you copying off Spongebob?" I snapped, trying to keep my voice low still. "_Really_, they will! Now, go, go!" As most young children today, when ordered by a superior authority (a.k.a. Yours Evilly) blink and act confused in order to get out of doing something they don't understand. This kid, however, was different.

"Funny you should mention Spongebob!" The kid said gleefully, which I darkly realized at that moment he'd heard nothing past 'Spongebob'. "Because I'm just like him!"

"Your next-door neighbor's a squid and you live in a pineapple?" _Hmm. Just think of all the Spongebob possibilities. Storm the Squid, Jean the Jellyfish, Scott the Swordfish… _after this maybe.

The kid frowned. "Well, no. But I can absorb liquids and I like to sing. I also wear pants." He explained. _Ookaay, this kid doesn't need to be driven insane; he reached that highway a loong time ago._ "Well, _that's_ nice." I cooed. "But I need to get going, and you need to get yelling. Don't you want a lollipop, you little br—kid?" Turned out, 'kid' wasn't such a great option either. Immediately, he stomped his foot down and pouted. "I'm like Spongebob!" He told me.

I winced and checked Xavier's office again. I could barely hear Xavier say 'Checkmate' and Logan growl in frustration. It was still safe, so long as the kid didn't yell again. "Shush it and keep it down." I whispered to the kid, who immediately pressed his foot against the floorboards again. "I'm like _Spongebob_!" He yelled out. I clapped my hand over his mouth, almost a bit disappointed when my silvery cat-claw nail didn't get him. "Keep it down." I whispered, shoving him discreetly into a fern. The kid blew out a breath. "Spongebob." It insisted. I sighed impatiently. "Look, ki—person, I've got a baby shower to plan and ruin, a bunch of people to annoy, and a whole thing of party favors to get shipped in. I'm swamped, and I don't care if you have sponge-powers and are named Bob." He grew quiet at that. Finally, in such a low voice that I hardly heard him, he mumbled, "My name isn't Bob."

"It's not?" _Then why do you want me to call you Spongebob, you little punk?_

"No." The kid looked up with a grin on his grimy face. "It's Frank." The horror almost overwhelmed me. _Spongefrank???_ "My friends call me Frankie." He added cheerfully. I forced myself to find new reserves of patience. "Okay, then, Frank the Spongebob Wannabe. Can you just go in there and leave me alone?"

"Uh-huh!" Bobbing his head eagerly, he dashed into Professor Xavier's office and screamed at the top of his lungs, "MAGNETO'S RIGHT, MAGNETO'S SOO RIGHT!!" On an afterthought, he added, "Where's my lollipop?"

"_Vendetta!!"_ Xavier hollered in thought and voice, but it was too late. I was already making a mad dash back to the baby shower room with an evil grin on my face. _He's your problem now, Charlie!_

Best Baby Shower Bomb Ever

_Kuh-zoooo_! Rogue blew on the party favor and sighed. Shaking her head, she explained, "It just doesn't sound as cheery as it should." _Who said baby showers are cheery? _I wondered. _My hope is that everyone's crying by the end of this one._

Xavier rested his head on his arm, which rested on his armrest. "This is rather boring." He admitted quietly. Scott snorted. "Can I go yet?" He demanded. "Hardly anybody showed up anyways!" I looked around and had to admit, he was right. Only Logan , Beast, Storm, Rogue, Xavier, Bobby, Angel, Kitty, Colossus, Frankie, Scott, Pyro and two of Frankie's toddler friends had showed up. Jean had been made to promise to be here in three minutes.

"Maybe we should eat the cake now." I suggested when Pyro started to fall asleep. Beast nodded. "Good suggestion." He answered, though he was obviously still wary of me. I pulled out a lovely cake that Rogue and I had made. "It's called a Diaper Cake." I explained as I put one down on the table. Rogue brought out the second one. "It's delicious." She promised.

"Ooh, yummy!" One of the toddlers screamed. He ripped off the top diaper and immediately began shoveling brown pudding into his mouth. The looks on everyone's faces were priceless, even Rogue's. I guess she didn't notice me slipping pudding into the diapers. Frank leaned over and stuffed some in his mouth too. "Delicious!"

"Children!" Xavier tried to order. "Children, I need you to—oh, gross!" Xavier rolled away into the bathroom to, uh, regurgitate. One kid looked up at Logan , its face and arms covered in pudding. "Yum!" It added cheerfully. Logan decided that then would be a good time to 'go check on the Professor' and ran all the way over there, 'just in case'.

I forced myself to stop my maniac laughter. "Relax, guys, its pudding!" I soothed. "I think." Scott and Angel decided to check on Logan and Xavier too, soon to be followed by Bobby.

Storm managed to pry the children off the diaper cakes. "STOP IT!" She yelled at them. "You're making everyone sick!" The kids looked at each other in confusion. Then, finally, Frank held up his hand, which was smeared in pudding. "Want some?" He offered Storm. Storm then decided to go 'make sure the women's bathroom was clean.' Kitty followed her too, just to be a 'helper'.

I giggled a little bit until everyone came back looking ill. "Nobody wants some of the chocolate cake?" I offered, holding up a rich, Hershey's chocolate cake. I figured out that they didn't any when everyone started moving—all Zombie-like—to the bathrooms again. "Oh, well: more for me." I stuffed the mouth-watering cake into the fridge and wiped my hands on my black shirt and blue plaid pants and glared at my clothing choice. _Stupid school uniforms! When did we even get them? I didn't see any in the movies._

Jean arrived about then, walking cautiously into the room. "H-hi." She stammered out. "I've got s-something to announce, everyone." Xavier and Logan exchanged looks, and then flashed the glare at me. I pretended to be extremely focused on Jean as I tried to come up with a solution.

"I'll cut right to the point." Jean said shyly but clearly. "I'm not—"

"Having fun?" I cut in, leaping to Jean's side. Jean looked startled at first until she realized it was I. "I know Jean's not having fun." I turned to Jean and patted her shoulder. She flinched from my nails. "It's understandable, Jean." I faced everyone. "It's because we haven't started the Games!!"

"GAMES!!!!" The kids whooped.

"_GAMES_??" Jean sounded horrified. She grabbed my arm and dragged me closer to the wall. "I'm not even pregnant, Vendetta." She hissed in my ear. I shrugged. "At least let us have our party fun. Nobody will mention Winifred, I promise."

"Winifred??" Jean shook it off angrily and hissed, "It's a _baby_ shower—the point is that there _**has**_ to be a **baby**!"

I handed her a few pamphlets. "Then I'd go looking at these Adoption Agencies." I suggested as I raced back into the center of the room, leaving Jean frozen and gawking. The white-and-ribbon tables circled around us, with everyone standing together in the center. I stood up on one of the chairs and clapped my hands for everyone's attention.

"Okay, everyone!" I announced. "We're going to start the Baby Shower Games off simply. I need three contestants!" I studied the enthusiastic crowd. Kitty clung back beside Colossus, looking dubious, and Bobby and Rogue were glimpsing at the decorations, too busy muttering assurances to be volunteers. Frank and his friends dashed toward me, but I held my hand up in the traffic-cop style. "Sorry, but you have to be…older." I told them. _I had enough trouble dealing with the stupid Spongebob-lover—I'm not dealing with his buddies Patrick and Sandy , too!_

I looked at Xavier, who gave me a 'you must be kidding me' look. I guffawed and made a pleading look at Pyro. He became fascinated in the ruined diaper cake that nobody had bothered to clean up. Since I couldn't have Jean playing in _this one_, I made a quick decision.

I yawned loudly on the chair and conveniently dropped a string on the floor. As I stretched, it snagged on a chair leg. As if to get it off, I yanked it as hard as possible, moving it towards me. Three people fell as the string cut into their ankles.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have our volunteers!" I praised and watched the three men struggle to get up. Logan , Scott, and Beast---sometimes it just works for ya', you know?

"Here you go." I handed each a moderately sized baby bottle. Logan looked ready to slice it up with his claws. Beast sniffed it and started gagging at the same time, as Scott demanded, "What's even in these?"

"Each is different—and a surprise!" I cooed. "Yay! Surprises!"

"Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! Yay!" The kids cheered. Storm and Jean exchanged a puzzled look. Xavier groaned deeply and started handing out Aspirin to the three men. Logan lifted his chin, undaunted.

"I'm not going to be afraid of a little girl and her mystery-bottle." He told me angrily. I shrugged, biting back a few insults. "Okay then. _Drink_ it." I ordered, making sure to smile so as to seem innocent. Logan cleared his throat and pressed the bottle to his lips, and took a struggling sip.

_Hsssssssssss._ Logan 's eyes widened and he threw the bottle off his lips. I saw skin beginning to sizzle and disappear as the potion made its way down. "What's in that?!!" Logan struggled to say as his throat began literally burning away. He dropped to the floor and tried regurgitating some of it. I smiled innocently. "Acid!" I explained.

_Hssssssss!_ Logan spat some out and waited until his skin began reappearing before talking again. "Not that!" He snapped, waving the darkish liquid bottle. "Whatever else that's in there!"

"Diet Coke." I explained. "And a little bit of Pepto Bismol." Needless to say, Logan gagged. I turned to Scott. "Drink it." I suggested. He scowled. "You gave him Diet Coke, Pepto Bismol, and acid, and mine's a similar color. I'm not stupid, Vendetta."

"A few arguments about that." I told him, and his visor glowed with ruby flames. "First, I prefer to call that particular concoction Diet Pepto Acid: much easier to say. Second, his was dark brown with hints of clear and pink. Yours is black, just black. It's not the same. Third, well…we'll get back to that when the poll results come in." Scott's fists clenched at his sides.

"Drink it! _Drink it_!" I chanted. The kids picked up the cry and chanted until Scott sighed and took a swig.

_Pwefftth!_ Scott spat out the black liquid and began rinsing out his mouth with nasty tap water. "What was in that?" He choked. I grinned widely. "Motor oil and blended beetle." I explained. Scott managed to make it to the bathroom, this time not to check on Xavier.

Beast looked frightened by now and was trying to make his way to the EXIT sign. I grabbed his wrist, and with amazing force, dragged him back to the table with the single baby bottle. The yellow innards didn't swish when I picked it up. I kept my steel-trap grip and reached toward Beast's mouth with the bottle. He clamped his mouth shut.

"Come on, I went easy on the father-to-be!" I soothed. The kids whooped. You could barely hear Xavier yell, "What's exciting about watching people get sick with motor oil and acid?"

"I'm not the fath—mmmmfffff!" Beast's muffled words said under the bottle. "Drink, drink it now!" I ordered. Beast began slurping up the concoction but suddenly pressed his free hand against his blue forehead and dropped to the floor. I sniffed the drink as Storm hovered around Beast anxiously.

"Frozen banana smoothie." I explained. "Brain freeze."

"Oh, okay." Storm walked back to her seat. Colossus and Pyro dragged Logan and Beast into the men's bathroom, hopefully locking them in the stalls with Scott._ I didn't know they all were trapped in the stall? Adamantium stalls, really? I didn't know!_ You have to be prepared to be innocent.

Xavier scowled widely. "Not funny, Vendetta." He growled at me. I shrugged casually. "Then we'll play a new game." I suggested. Xavier gulped, looking less sure all of a sudden. "What game would that be, Vendetta?" He demanded. I grinned back wordlessly and prepared the measuring tape.

…

"Aiiiiieeeeeee!!!" Jean shrieked, clapping her hands to her face. "That has to be wrong!" She gasped. Storm quickly ushered the shocked telekinetic to a chair. Pyro looked up innocently from a yellow band of measuring tape. "It doesn't lie." He told Jean with a shrug. "Your baby must be pretty big."

"I'm…I'm not…" Needless to say, Jean fainted, and I can't exactly blame her. I would too if I found out that the measuring tape it took to wrap around my stomach consisted of some big—and I mean, _biiig_—guy that Logan knew. I tried to say this but everyone started demanding what "X-Men Origins" was and I had to create a distraction involving a runaway carrot, a four-hundred-year-old pony named Nugget, three parachutes that claimed to be old lady underwear, and Pyro.

Hey! It worked, didn't it?

"That's impossible." Xavier said bluntly, studying the measuring tape for himself. Pyro frowned and pointed at it. "But it's accurate." Pyro reminded him. Xavier shook his head, reflecting the annoying florescent lights that I had made shine as bright as they could. They were starting to rival the sun itself. Storm slipped over to Pyro and Xavier. "Let me see that." She suggested, holding out her hand. Pyro blinked at her and his lighter clicked open.

"John…" Storm began. The black, charred measuring tape fell to the floor, burnt to a crisp. Xavier sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Let's just get this over with, shall we?" He suggested. I exchanged an amused look with Pyro. Poor little Professor. The fun hadn't even started yet.

_**To Definitely be Continued When I Am Able To**_

**Be as awesome as always, and please review!!!! I'm planning to look on for some more ideas, so I'm still trying with this story, don't worry!**


	5. Ooh String! & OMG: Plot Points!

**Chapter Five: Ooh—String! & *Gasp* Plot Points! **

Charles tapped his fingers against the armrest of his chair impatiently. "Vendetta, what do you mean Jean is missing?" He demanded, but something in his voice showed he was starting to just give up. And it's never fun when they've already given up.

"Well I think she snuck out the bathroom window after we finished measuring her." I said importantly. Jean had kind of given up too. "Pyro is searching for her now." Charles Xavier groaned and rubbed his forehead. "We'll get to play other games when she gets back, don't worry." I said, acting as though I cared about Xavier's migraine.

Charles sighed. "It's not that I'm worried about, Vendetta." He explained bleakly. "I fear no one is getting along now, now that…" He looked up at me and glared. "Now that you've turned them all against one another."

Who knew everyone's feelings were so touchy? Sheesh. "Oh, come now, Charlie." I soothed. "We'll all be getting along after the next game." Before Charles Xavier could protest, I whipped out my walkie-talkie and called Pyro through it.

"Have you almost found Jean?" I asked as I watched everyone murmur nervously to themselves.

Pyro's crackly voice replied, "Nope. Well, sort of. I know where she is, but it'll be awhile until I can climb up the top of the windmill and the fairy-princess castle." Everyone simultaneously blinked and stepped farther away from the walkie-talkie. I frowned and clicked the button down.

"Where exactly are you?" I murmured quietly.

"Frank's Gotta-Golf Golf Course. Why?"

"That's perfect!" I shrieked into the walkie-talkie, probably blasting John's eardrums up. "We'll meet you there; just keep trying to find Jean!" I slammed down the walkie-talkie and looked up eagerly with a grin. "Guess what?" Most of the mutants there did _not _try to guess what. "Jean wants to have her baby shower at a mini-golf course now!"

"But…but I s-spent all day…." Bobby stared miserably at the destroyed decorations abundantly around him. Rogue patted his shoulder gently.

"Just let it go, just let it go." She soothed. Bobby sniffled and dragged his feet one by one to the door. I smiled and clapped my hands for attention.

"Everyone line up in two lines by the door." I called out. "I need to get some string or rope. Be right back, buddies!" The mutants groaned loudly as I dashed off into the kitchen area. _Everyone seems so depressed!_ I thought to myself. _Wow. This was so much quicker than I expected it to be. Now what will I do for the rest of the week??_

"Vendetta!" Storm called out. I rolled my eyes a little and put on an innocent face.

"What is it, Storm?" I called back as I searched through the cupboards hurriedly.

"What do we need the string for?" Storm yelled back curiously.

"We just do!" I answered, pulling out some bright gray yarn that was as fluffy as cat fur. _Cat fur…hmm, maybe I should spend the week getting—_

"VENDETTA! WE'RE STILL WAITING!" Wolverine hollered out. I made a face. Logy Bear was so impatient after being trapped in a bathroom stall for an hour and a half.

"I'm coming, Logy!" I called back. The response was a loud snort and the sound of his claws shooting out. Touchy, touchy.

"I'm coming!" I declared as I rushed by the two lines of mutants waiting irritably by the door. Quickly I bent down and wrapped the string around their ankles. Logan glared down at the string.

"What's this for?" He demanded angrily. I grinned at him and clapped my hands for attention.

"Whoever you're tied to have become your partner and you will remain tied up with them until one of you says the word 'baby'."

"Baby?" Scott asked skeptically. I nodded.

Silence.

A few stares. Blinking. Then…

"BABY! BABY! BABY-BABY-BABY-BAAAAAYYYYY—BBBBEEEEEEE!!"

"Congrats! You said the secret word!" I gushed. I was just—so_—proud_ of their stupidity! The mutants stopped screaming the word and drawing it all over themselves to look at me.

"Wh-what?"

"When you say 'baby' you get to be tied up to your partner for the entire day!" I explained happily. "Think of it as an 'unlocking' word."

The mutants all looked at me before screeching out, "KILL VENDETTA!!" They all lunged dramatically forward some with their powers completely prepared to flay me.

They all tripped on the string and landed flat on their faces. I fought to suppress a loud burst giggles. You have to admit, it was priceless. Wolverine frowned and sliced at the string with his claws. "How come this thing won't break?" He demanded.

I grinned and flicked the yarn. "Dunno. It's just a plot twist of Fiction Power."

"Of what power?" Charlie asked, extreme skeptic-like. I kept grinning innocently.

"Waffles." I explained. Charlie cast a glare at me and said nothing. I turned back t o the mutants. "Maybe it's coated with adamantium or something." I suggested brightly.

Logan snorted. "You sure seem to find a lot of that stuff, don't ya?" He observed.

I giggled. "Maybe I'm shaving it off your claws." I pointed at the fist that hid the pink claws of Wolverine's. "Are you sure they're still adamantium under the nail polish?" I asked. Wolverine's face reddened but he managed to keep quiet. I clapped my hands above my head and bounced up and down. "Let's get going!" I called out. "First, say hi to your Golf Buddy and head out that really tiny **one**-man door over there!"

You can guess how turned out for yourself.

The bruised and battered mutants stumbled their way onto the bus designed for field trips. Xavier looked wearily at the school bus from his wheelchair, whose wheel was tied to Kitty's arm. "I don't remember it in tie-dye." He murmured, giving me a sidelong glance.

I shrugged. "Must've happened overnight. You know Wolverine and spray paint!" Xavier only snorted and rolled his wheelchair to the wheelchair ramp, dragging a phased Kitty (still unable to escape the Yarn of Doom) behind him. I grinned happily. Everyone was bleak and miserably dragging themselves onto the Tie-Dye Mutantmobile, everyone was saddened and trapped and angry and—

"Uh, Vendetta?" Colossus asked slowly.

I turned to him and frowned. "What? What is it?" How _dare_ he ruin my moment of self-praise for a job well done! He pointed down towards the side of my head where my chocolaty layered hair was flicking upwards. I blinked curiously and looked down at a small puddle by my shoe at my reflection.

"Eeeeep!" I screeched, leaping backwards into the bus. Logan smirked.

"That bad, huh?" He guessed. I dismissively scowled at him and drew near the puddle again slowly.

Rogue came to my side and cautiously pointed at my head. "What happened to your ears?" She inquired. I gave her a furious scowl that sent her walking quickly back to Bobby.

"Nothing!" I snarled. "Nothing's wrong with my ears! I'm fine!" The mutants all stared at me for a few moments.

Finally Bobby spoke up. "Then what happened to your ears?" He demanded. I took a few raspy deep breaths and managed to calm down.

"Nothing." I said smoothly, dusting off my dark silver button-up coat. "Nothing at all. It's just a new part of…my mutation! Yeah, that's it." A few mutants still looked like they wanted to say something, but another fierce scowl kept their mouths shut.

Xavier raised an eyebrow. _Why are you so concerned, Miss Vendetta? _He asked in my head. _Is gaining pointed ears something more than a mutation, perhaps? Is there something you are hiding? _It was true. My ears **were** pointed now. They had also come higher up on my head. The middles of my ears were brushing against the side of my temples. The slanted points were just barely peaking out of my hair. I pulled out a sash in my pocket that had been in my room two seconds ago and wrapped the purple sash around my head like a headband or bandana.

_Not at all, Charlie! This emphasizes my earrings anyway! _The arrowhead earrings dazzled in the sunlight that I had spoken of as I replied to Charlie's mind-speech. Charles Xavier raised his eyebrow again but at last he looked away and maneuvered into the bus from the ramp. I hurriedly rushed into the bus as well, hoping that _they_ weren't getting impatient.

I sat into my green mock-leather seat and closed my eyes in concentration. Instantly my mind was transported to the middle of a swirling tornado of letters and words. I felt myself shrink and shrink down until every word in the torrent lightning-colored sky was the size of a school bus (ironic, huh?).

_VENDETTA. _I turned wildly this way and that, searching madly for the voice. In the swirl of words, two of them glowed a bright white: the words Voice and Laws.

I cleared my throat. "Wh-what? Wutisit?"

_THEY ARE GETTING IMPATIENT. THERE MUST BE __**MORE.**_ The voice continued.

I swallowed and tried to follow the word 'Law' as it circled wildly around me. "I'm trying!" I called back to it. "But what can I—"

_ENOUGH!! _I winced and waited for the Voice to continue. _WE WILL INTERFERE. WE HAVE ALREADY. THERE MUST BE MORE CHALLENGE FOR YOU. _

"I—I have taken the mutants' hopes and dreams, true, but it wasn't easy!" I protested back. Sentences flashed into the tornado—sentences I had written. They were my own words I had said in my chapters about how easy it had been. I winced again and studied the empty ground the held my mind's eye. "Um, were you the ones that made my ears that way?" I asked quietly, trying not to want to attack the tornado. It was useless, I know, but they were starting to get mean!

_YES. YOUR FORM WILL REVERT TO NORMAL MORE AND MORE UNTIL YOU HAVE __TRULY__ SUCCEEDED. _The Voice explained sternly. _UNTIL THEN, KEEP IT INTERESTING. _

"Aye-aye." I muttered dismally, but you have to have some heart in your sarcasm, ya know?

"Uh…Vendetta?" Kitty's voice whooshed back into my body and seat. I rubbed my eyes, trying to correct my fuzzy vision.

"Huh? What?" I asked.

Kitty pointed at my seat and the gadgets around it. "Why are you in the driver's seat?" She asked politely.

"Oh, that!" I laughed easily. "'Cause I'm the driver, silly!"

Kitty's face was the equivalence of someone's face when you smash their thumb with a really big hammer.

Not that I'd know or anything…heh, heh. Eh-erm.

…

"BRAKES!! THERE ARE _**BRAKES,**_ VENDETTA!!" Charles Xavier screeched at the back of the bus as I crashed into yet another tree.

I shrugged from behind the wheel. "So we'll have more wood for paper and less for squirrels. Big whoop."

"USE—THE—BRAKES!!" So much for tactful mutants. I can see why everyone hates mutants so much: they're such backseat drivers!

I screeched the bus to a 'stop' in the middle of the golf course. I grinned and looked past the smoke from the tires and bus exhaust. "Hey, guys! I found a parking space pretty close by the admission booth!" I snickered. "Speaking of which, we ran that down too!" The mutants for the most part groaned, but I think I heard a few giggling.

"Is the, um, admission guy still alive?" Logan asked awkwardly.

I shrugged. "I dunno. Big whoop for you, Logy—more bloodguilt." Logan did a face-palm (considering all his claws were out, I'm assuming it hurt). I opened the bus door and screeched out, "I'll get the golf balls and golf clubs! Oh, and enjoy having fun getting out of a one-man door with two people at the same time again!" The mutants groaned again as I raced down the steps. As I grabbed handfuls of clubs and golf balls, I surveyed the damage the bus had done.

For the most part, nothing was completely ruined. So no one would play on Course Nine. Big deal, nobody likes the gingerbread house there anyway.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder as I was studying the green lawns and brightly-colored structures. I turned, expecting Charlie or Wolvie, but instead was a girl my age (a teenager) dressed in a frilly knee-length pink dress that redefined the word 'poof'. On top of her smug little head was a cone-shaped hat that I assumed was the classic princess style with a little trail at the top that was, well, trailing down her hat and barely touching her highlighter-yellow hair. Her eyes were reptile-green and widened as she looked at me with this weird twitchy grin that was so easy to tell was false.

"Hello, Vendetta." She gushed. "I'm Emilie Amandla. Wanna play?"

**Dun-dun-dunnn!! I will give Internet-Chihuahua Plushies to Whoever Reviews and Guesses these TWO Questions!**

**Who is Emilie Amandla?**

**What is Vendetta's true form? **

**Thanks so much! Please, please Review! XD Until the next chappie,**

**--Vendetta! ^-^**


	6. Putt Putt Party Poopers

Chapter 6: Putt-Putt Party Poopers

"E-excuse me?"

Emilie Amandla shifted a bit and raised her golf club onto her shoulder, letting the bright pink ribbon she'd tied to it fall down her back beside the train of her princess-y hat. "You know, play mini-golf." She clarified, waving her free hand around a bit at the golf course. "Isn't that what you're here for?"

"Apparently." Xavier grumbled, sliding out of the bus' ramp.

I blinked off my confusion. "Oh, um, yeah. Yeah, of course that's what we're here for."

"I kind of just wanted to play in the arcade." Bobby Drake admitted.

I looked over my shoulder at him and gave him a pointed look. "Well, too bad—I ran over that too."

Storm threw her hands in the air in a gesture of impatience. "Of course you did." She sighed.

I nodded at her understanding. "Yeah; fortunately Charlie is filthy-stinking rich, unless he's spending his money on cleverly-disguised X signs." The students turned to glare down at Charles all together, as if they rehearsed these group-glares. I was guessing a huge chunk of Charlie's money was going to the X signs for the films.

I turned my head to the left to hide my chuckle and nearly crashed into Emilie Amandla. "What the Chihuahua are you doing??" I demanded loudly. Emilie ignored the question and flicked my bandana.

"Your ears are strange…weird-looking." She informed me.

"Yeah, I could say the same about your face." I huffed. Emilie looked down into my eyes and scowled.

"My face and myself are perfect in almost every entire way, got it? I don't have deformed, pointed ears that are practically sitting on my temples." She replied haughtily.

Bobby leaned next to Rogue without touching her skin. "Egomaniac: look it up on the dictionary. Her face will be printed up on it." He whispered to her, though it was pretty loud. Either that or my hearing was getting a whole lot better.

_Uh-oh,_ I thought. _They couldn't possibly start speeding up my reformation! I'm not done yet! _

Rogue giggled softly. "Also look up 'preppy'. She _redefines_ the word."

"Excuse me, freak?" Emilie Amandla said loudly. Then, with a chuckle, she added, "I need to be more specific." She pointed a fingernail to Rogue, who began to pull off her gloves angrily. It took Colossus to restrain her in the end.

"Miss Amandla," Xavier said politely. "We would appreciate it if you'd keep your manners."

Emilie Amandla lifted her hands in innocence. "Oh, I'm not calling you freaks because you have powers. You guys are just being very rude to me." Her unhappy little prep-face was almost saddening, but for the most part, it just made me want to smother her pout with mud.

"Powers?" Storm demanded in surprise, her eyebrows arched. "How did you know that, dear?"

Emilie Amandla blinked. "Because I have powers too, of course." She giggled loudly. "What, you surprised or something?"

"What can _you_ do?" One boy—I think it was that friend of Frankie's or something—asked curiously. Emilie Amandla smiled this gooey little smile and lifted her chin proudly.

"I can make anyone do anything, by simply telling them to." She looked at Frankie's friend sharply. "You, circle three times." His eyes widened as he began to obey unwillingly. The toddler partner of his wasn't exactly pleased of his sudden movement, causing the string to trip the stupid br—um, the poor kid.

Emilie smiled wider as the kids began clapping. Xavier took a heavy breath. "Miss Amandla, you hold a great choice with such a power. A power of yours gives you a choice above others, that, simply on your whim, you are capable of—"

"Oh, be quiet." I hissed, chucking a golf ball at Charlie. He scowled and closed his mouth.

Emilie smiled proudly and gave a little curtsy. "I understood what you mean, sir. I've never met anyone who refused my power." She turned slowly to me. "You—hand me that golf ball." I looked down at the glittery pink golf ball perched on the lawn below our feet. I could feel Emilie's power tensing about me eagerly, willing me to bend down to pick it up. It wouldn't be so hard, now would it? I leaned down and picked up the stupid golf ball.

The kids gasped as if something amazing had happened. I shrugged at them. "What is it?" I asked.

Xavier smiled at me. "We may have the discipline we need to cure Vendetta's…unruliness." I said nothing but made a mental note to put spiders in Xavier's desk.

Emilie made a grabbing motion. "May I have the golf ball?" She asked sweetly. "Give it over, missy." I hid back a gag. You see, I have a list of a thousand-and-seventy—or so—names that I despise being called. Missy happens to be one of them (what'd ya know).

"Here." I said to Emilie Amandla, just as sweetly. "You can have it." My grip loosened and I flicked my wrist breezily. _Thwack! _The golf ball collided in with Emilie's forehead, shoving her hat off and ruining her highlighter-hairdo.

"Ugh!" She shrieked, stumbling back into the bushes. The kids began giggling quietly to themselves.

I smirked and dusted off my hands. "Oops." I told her.

Emilie stared angrily at me, strands of her hair falling over her face. "You little monster." She said vehemently.

Logan sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Welcome to our world."

Emilie straightened up and lifted her chin higher. "Fine." She snapped at me. "We'll see who the better mutant is once and for all—I challenge you to a Mini-Golf competition." I studied her thoughtfully. With her hair askew and hat missing, and the scowl planted on her smug face, she looked like your average, angry prep.

"Okay." I agreed after a few silent minutes. The students gasped out, as if they had been holding their breath this entire time for my verdict. I glanced over slightly at them. "We divide the mutants here, and whichever team leader wins gets to be—"

"Putt-Putt Princess." Emilie Amandla finished smoothly. The students nodded mechanically. Emilie pulled her golf club back onto her shoulder and waited for my response.

"I have half a mind to forfeit," I muttered vehemently. "So I can be sure that I don't get that title."

Emilie laughed a bit and stretched her hand out. "How many people do we have here?" She asked. The mutants began counting to themselves, grimly noting the string all of them were attached to. "13." She decided, studying the mutants critically.

I frowned. "We're looking for Jean—she's pregnant—and Pyro—he's my accomplice—here, but I guess…" I paused and listened into the sounds going on in the mini-golf course. "Oh, what'd ya know." I said innocently. "Jean's coming our way."

Sure enough, Jean Grey came dashing past Emilie Amandla and unknowingly headed toward our group of mutants. "This is the last time I tell you!" She was screaming over her shoulder to Pyro, who was quickly following her. "I do _not_ and _will_ _not_ want to play Pin the Tail on the Pregnant Person!"

"Just once, Jean!" Pyro insisted, winking at me. I nodded proudly and let him continue the chase.

"We're going to let Jean get away?" Bobby asked quietly.

"Let's consider it a gift for her." Beast decided. The mutants nodded. I scowled and flicked my bandana off. Sometimes the only way to get things done is to do it yourself.

"Accck!" Jean garbled as she tripped over the bandana I'd wrapped around her leg. I flipped her over on the cement and waved to her puzzled and dizzy face.

"Hiya! You'd think a telepath would see that coming, wouldn't you?" I mused, much to her chagrin. Jean's response was a steady groan that lasted an entire three minutes. Whoa! Talk about superpowers, eh?

"I…" Jean began to groan. "Wait, what happened to your ears?" I pulled my palms quickly over my ears and tried to cover the broad tips with my dark hair.

"Nothing! Nothing happened!" I insisted. Scott studied me skeptically and finally leaned in to point at my left ear.

"They're getting wider…" He flicked my ear and quickly withdrew his hand; as if afraid I'd have Evil Person Cooties or something like that. "And they're thinner, too. _What _exactly is happening to you?"

"NOTHING!" I screeched out angrily. "NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME! I'M PERFECTLY FINE! DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT ME???!!!"

Silence.

Then that Frank kid raised his hand. "You yell a lot." He informed me.

I fought against the ever-so-tempting notion of feeding him to a Chihuahua. "Oh, really?" I asked tightly, causing a few of the mutants to step backward nervously. "Anything _else??"_

Kitty coughed a bit and raised her hand feebly. When I turned sharply at her, she mumbled, "Y-you're getting _shorter_, Vendetta." I stared down at my body and gasped. The ground was getting closer! I was only 4 feet tall again!!

Xavier gaped at me. "Did you just lose a foot and three inches?" He demanded. I cleared my throat and forced my hands to stop trembling.

"N-no, not at all." I said erratically. "Still have two feet right below me." Xavier harrumphed at my joke and stop talking.

Emilie Amandla smirked and tossed her hair off her right shoulder. "It's funny." She noted amusedly. "Normally, humans grow _taller._ It's just like I thought: you're a freak." I scowled at her and threw another golf ball at her face.

One of Sponge-Frank's friends looked at Emilie in confusion. "She's not a freak, Emmy, she's a—" I clamped the kid's jaws shut together tightly until the kid started fidgeting. _You couldn't possibly know! No one is supposed to know at this point—no one!! _I thought in alarm. The Voice-Rules of Fan Fiction couldn't possibly be reversing my form this quickly! _Oh, what's going to happen next? Hmm, I have to check how quickly this reverse is taking effect._

"I'm hungry." I said distantly. "Let's eat." The mutants stared at me.

Logan finally spoke up. "I thought we were going to play this stupid miniature golf game." Everyone gave Logan a few angry looks. "We could eat though." Logan added kind of hurriedly. "Eating would be fine."

"They have filthy, greasy food-poisoned pizza over there." I said, pointing in the castle behind the rock-climbing wall. "Let's eat there." _Does pizza still sound good to me? _I grimaced. _Not when I describe it like that!_

"McDonald's sponsors the Gotta-Golf Golf Course." Emilie said pleasantly. "I'm sure we could all find something to our liking there."

"Something affordable, too!" Xavier added, with some obvious enthusiasm.

Storm huffed. "Cheapskate." She muttered under her breath. Xavier made a scolding face at her.

…

**Team Vendetta:**

Team Leader: Vendetta _(Duh! Of course I'm leading—the team is NAMED after me!)_

Teammates:

Colossus

Kitty

Cyclops

Beast

Rogue

Pyro

Frankie _(Oh, come on! Not the Spongebob wannabe! He's only a little kid!)_

**Team Super Awesome Princess Power **_(…Uh, nice name, losers.)_

Team Leader: Emilie Amandla

Teammates:

Logan

Storm

Bobby

Xavier

Angel

Shelly _(Huh? Who? Oh, Sponge-Frank's little girlfriend.)_

Lou _(I'm guessing that that's Frankie's buddy…haha, Emilie! You've got __**two **__toddlers!)_

"Everybody ready?" I asked, spinning my golf club like a baton with expertise. Apparently though, Bobby's forehead didn't seem to think I had so much practice with baton-twirling. What can I say? He should know better than to stand precisely 11.9 feet away from baton practice. He has no one to blame but himself really.

"Vendetta," Storm's voice sounded strained. "We can't play mini-golf on separate times while _tied up!"_

I rolled my eyes and had Pyro untie the chords around their ankles. "Happy now?" I asked impatiently. "Hey, Amandla, it's your turn to go—"

WHAM!!

The team gawked as the golf ball—at this point, it could've been a comet—went sailing past the bright pink fairy castle and crashed directly into the hole. I temporarily allowed my jaw to drop, but hurriedly closed my mouth and pretended to be humming when Emilie turned to look triumphantly at us.

"See?" She asked, adjusting her golf club on her dress' shoulder pad. "That's how you get a Hole-In-One."

I snickered. "That's more like how you get one Hole-in-One after the rest of your team couldn't golf if their lives depended on it…which it does." When Team Super Awesome Princess Power (or as I liked to call them, SAPPs) began to look alarmed, I casually added, "Just a joke. Probably."

Frankie tugged on my plaid school-uniform-pants' pocket. Quickly I leaped back, checking my pocket securely. _Oh, phew! He didn't tug it hard enough, _I thought in blinked. "Can I play now?" He whined.

"Not yet." I told him. "I told you, one person in each team goes against each other at each hole."

"How long could this course take?" Logan fumed.

I blinked and shrugged. "An _eternity_…give or take." I replied.

Wolverine went quiet after that.

Emilie Amandla turned triumphantly to me. "Your turn, Vendetta." She told me.

I grinned at her as Pyro prepared the golf ball for me. "I'll make a bigger splash than you." I warned her.

Emilie raised her pristine eyebrows amusedly. "I doubt that." She replied calmly. One thing I'd learned about Emilie Amandla so far (I was still waiting for the files to arrive) she had waaaay too much confidence in herself. I'm serious. Way—too—much.

WHAAMMM!

The golf ball was flung across the green field and went into a perfect curve, nearly skidding up against the side of the pink castle as it went downwards. Emilie stared at it, but turned to me again. "So you made it go up _really high _into a graceful arc in the sky?" She laughed this derisive little chuckle that made me want to use the golf club to knock some sense—or stupidity; either would do—into her lil' noggin. "I still win."

Nearing the end, the ball dropped directly into hole at the bottom of the lawn beside the castle. Emilie looked a little surprised, but she just shrugged again. "Big whoop. You got a hole-in-one too. Mine was still better." The SAPPs muttered their agreement.

I smiled innocently and steadied myself against a Gotta-Golf flagpole. "Wait for the finale." I suggested coolly.

Xavier frowned, able to catch a few of the thoughts whirring through my head like a tornado. "Vendetta, you wouldn't possibly…"

"Wouldn't I?" I laughed lightly. Pyro, I noticed, had disappeared. I caught sight of him hiding inside the Gnome's Home three courses down.

Xavier's eyes bulged. "But you would be destroying public—" He started to bellow. "Oh, forget it!"

I was fully laughing by now. "But I don't have amnesia, Charlie!"

Based on the look that shadowed his face, he was starting to realize it was useless. With a sigh, he turned his wheelchair and began rolling away, probably to the Gnome's place with Pyro for cover. Kitty caught on pretty fast when she saw Xavier and Pyro making a break for it. "Duck for cover!" She shrieked out just before the sound of distant ticking reached everyone's ears.

_Tick, tock, tick, tick…tick, tock—_

"AHHH!" The mutants went into a mad frenzy for hiding spots as the ticking took a short pause in preparation. I can't explain it all that well, but it was sort of like pressing your boot into an anthill and watching all the itty bitty ants start running for cover. In fact, it was a lot like that—almost **exactly **like that. The similarities were kind of eerie.

BOOOOOOMMMMM!

Dust splashed across our faces as chunks of the grass, dirt, and plaster showered us from the Princess Par. I saw all of my schoolmates and fellow mutants dragging themselves out from under broken trees, shattered benches, and large portions of walls that were supposed to be secure for this kind of thing.

I mean, this situation happens _a lot._

Emilie Amandla managed to crawl to her feet, her knees shaking so hard together it sounded like an annoying rattle. Her bright hair was now the color of green grass and muddy dirt combined over bright yellow. Her dress now looked like a heap of pink and brown rags, with bits and pieces of fabric dangling or missing on the sleeves. The princess-y hat she wore was so smashed it looked like a butler's hat with a wedding veil over it. _Ooh—the Butler's Bride! Ha-ha!_ Amandla coughed loudly, sending the dust and grass caking her throat out. "H-how did you…?" She began hoarsely.

I shrugged, wiped a few of the grass stains and dirt smudges off my button-up black shirt and pushed myself away from the flagpole. Making sure to hide the box of Exploding Golf Balls and "How to Destroy A Golf Course" magazine in my pant pockets, I stepped in the middle of the area with the most mutants, most of which were still trapped under the wreckage.

"Hole in One," I said cheekily. "I win!"

Kitty stared up at me from under a block of pink plaster. She phased through it to stand in front of me, instantly towering over me. _Gah, I hate being short. _I thought angrily. Her brown eyes seemed to focus on my ears briefly, until her face pointed downward. Cautiously, she snatched up one of my hands and stared at the overgrown nails protruding from my phalanges. I felt a bit of plaster brushing against the side of my head and, without thinking, twitched my left ear to flick it away. The mutants gasped at the morphing I appeared to be undergoing.

"Vendetta," Kitty whispered fearfully. "What _are_ you?"

My mouth opened and closed several times before I could get anything out.

"...I'm..."

**_I'm _a procrastinating writer, that's what! Sorry guys for not updating in, say, ****forever****. *Wincing* I really hope people are still reading this; I look forward to any suggestions or comments you'd like to make.**

**Quick Lil' Poll for You (Yes, You at Home) to Answer:**

_**What should Vendetta tell the others about her morphing?**_

_**A.**_** Why say anything? *appropriate silence***

_**B. **_**That she's working for Magneto *chuckling***

_**C. **_**"Hey, look! Flying monkeys!" *grabs binoculars and arrows***

_**D. **_**The truth! *faints***

_**E. **_**Something should happen before she can explain. (Like…?)**


	7. Of Family Reunions & Curious Cats

**Hey, everyone! Welcome to the next chapter—glad to know you're still reading! ^.^**

**As some may or may not know, I've also written stories for Animorphs, so when I used the word 'morphing' to describe what Vendetta's turning into, please don't think that I'm going to be putting Animorphs elements into the story. The "Bossy Tornado" in Chapter 5 is not the Ellimist or Crayak, and Vendetta is not secretly an Animorph. (Sorry! ;)) **

**Why You Should Read: Heh, heh. Don't you want to see what happens to Emilie Amandla? *Evil grin***

**What'll you'll need to Know: Charomi is pronounced **_**S**_**harr-oh-me. '**_**Glomping'**_** is the act of attack-hugging, something evil little 'mutants' aren't fond of receiving.**

**Disclaimer: Hey! Guess what, guess what: guess what? Answer: Still. Don't. Own. Them. Big. Surprise.**

Chapter 7: 

I stared at the dirt-covered, limping, frightened mutants.

They stared back.

I watched them longer, concentrating hard on all of their individual reactions. Some looked petrified, some were intrigued, some probably didn't know what 'petrified' or 'intrigued' even meant, and others looked like they couldn't care less what the two words meant.

Finally breaking the long silence, Charles Xavier cleared his throat. Kitty barely even looked at him. "…Vendetta? What are you?" She repeated softly. "We're not here to judge you."

"Of course not." I answered seriously. "You're more like the ones that get stuck on the jury. You don't seem like you'd be a very good judge." At her startled look, I added innocently, "No offense." _That reminds me of something that I'll need to do later…_

Kitty frowned, obviously displeased with my answer. "Um…none taken?"

Storm took a deep breath, her skin shining through the dirt smudges. "We don't—"

"Yay!" I giggled loudly. If all of the mutants weren't looking at me before, they were now. "You blinked!" I gleefully told Storm. "I win!" She stared at me, obviously wondering when I'd bought a one-way ticket to Crazytown. Unfortunately, that didn't distract all of them from the current situation.

"Vendetta, I want answers!" Emilie Amandla began furiously. "How did you…" At this point, I was just hearing 'blah, blah, blah' as she talked. I guess I have a bit of an authority problem these days. Hmm. I should probably get some help about that. Maybe I'd fund some money from Beast's bank accounts for therapy sessions I'd never go to.

"It's fine." A voice cut in. I flinched when I suddenly recognized who it belonged to. "I can take it from here." The mutants turned to look at the left where the gray turrets of the arcade were just shadowing over someone who hadn't run away from the exploding golf balls fiasco. It would be strange, if I didn't know who it was.

Dark chocolate brown hair trailed down her shoulders. Shining black eyes full of bemusement that appeared to be laughing at me. A thin tail swished beside her legs happily, expressing her irritating joy. I nearly did a face-palm as I fought the urge to chuck something at her, knockout-gas all the mutants I couldn't trust, and make them all think they were going delirious and just imagined her.

I guess you could say I'm an extremist.

"Charomi," I said through my tightly-clenched teeth. "What are you doing here?"

My sister smiled, lifted her chin and strode beside me. "Cleaning up your mess." She replied. "Well, not this one. You can clean up the golf course on your own time." _Uh_-_huh_. I was really going to waste the time I could be evilly plotting during to pick up debris from a pink castle? I shook my head, wondering when my sister had _followed_ me to Crazytown.

Without another word, Charomi did something I'd told her a million times to never, ever, **ever** do to me. The mutants' eyes bulged, obviously wondering what kind of people I associated with, and why they had to be stuck with the insane teenagers.

"Uhh, Vendetta?" Bobby asked bluntly after several odd moments of my fidgeting. "Why did a random girl just glomp you?"

…

We'd arrived back at the mansion after the course manager came out and threatened to burn me at the stake. Despite the mutants' best efforts—and they really did try their hardest—the manager just made us leave instead after I'd given him "my" insurance information. (I hope Charlie doesn't check his bills too closely…)

Now I was in my dorm room, glaring across the room at Charomi, who was busy brushing her hair. She hadn't told the mutants yet about what I really was (no, dear readers, they already know I'm evil and annoying!). "We're going to have to do something about Emilie," She said as she continued trying to smooth down her brown hair. "We can't have her distracting you. When distracted, you tend to…well, be a vandalizing maniac."

I scoffed. "No kidding. Did you just figure that out? I hate that Emilie." I dropped myself on my ugly-sheeted bed and began to go through my checklist of mutants I needed to annoy. The list was still rather long, but I managed to circle two names in time before my sister spun around and I had to rip up the paper with the silvery nails that had just gotten unwillingly manicured (thanks, sister. Thanks a lot. Manicured nails are not scary to other mutants!).

"No worries." Charomi replied. "We'll deal with her, don't you worry!" She opened up my dresser and began dropping her random assortment of clothing into them, occasionally doing my unwanted spring cleaning for me. _I still want some of those clothing! _I thought, seething in rage.

Then my blood ran cold as I backtracked. "We?" I demanded.

"Well, yeah." She answered, glancing over her shoulder. "You're causing too much problems. You need to start being nice to other people." She eyed me critically. "Well, be nicer." She amended, chucking some of my jeans into the trash bin.

I gave her a look of complete disbelief. "What do you think I am, a charity worker?" I snapped. "I need Emilie out the way if I'm going to be destroying the mutants' hopes and dreams!" Charomi turned around and gave me a dead-pan frown of disapproval. I coughed loudly and clarified. "I mean, I don't want to be blowing everything in sight up, but sometimes a girl's got to do what a girl's…"

"Really, when did explosives apply to that saying?"

I thought about it. "Now." I decided. "It did just now." I caught Charomi's wince. "Okay, I'll make you a deal: I won't blow anything up in my quest to drive the victims insa—I mean my quest."

Charomi considered. "Fine. I guess that's the best I can expect from you." She lifted her arms out and wrapped me in a hug that not even Kitty or Colossus could've escaped. "Sisterly hug because we solved our problems, nya!" She purred. I struggled against her grip and failed at reaching something to knock her out with.

You know what? _I __hate__ family reunions. _

…

"You're gathered here today," I began loudly. "To—"

Pyro's hand shot up. I rolled my eyes and pointed the metal yard ruler at him. "I don't want to get married." He warned me, snapping open the lighter he seemed unable to live without.

Jubilee scoffed. "You'd be a terrible husband."

I grinned. "Oh, that'll happen later. Maybe in a few hours or so." Pyro looked horrified but didn't try to leave the room as I continued. "Now, we have two missions—Numero Uno and Numero Dos." The room of my (paid) minions blinked. "You might want to be taking notes since Xavier thinks this is a fashion-designing club." I suggested. Grumbling, the mutants pulled out their notebooks and began jotting down dress sizes and frilly sketches.

"Pyro: you and Jubilee will be preparing for the second mission." I declared. "Colossus, you're in charge of keeping Jean, Scott, Beast, and Wolverine busy. Just get them in an argument about who the baby in the ultrasound looks most like."

Colossus looked puzzled. "She's gotten an ultrasound done?" He asked in confusion.

I crumpled the piece of paper and threw it to him. "That's the ultrasound." I explained. Pyro and Jubilee leaned in on both sides of Colossus and frowned.

"This was drawn in a marker!" Pyro protested.

"The baby is a stick figure drawing." Jubilee added.

"It's wearing clothing in the womb," Colossus mumbled. "which isn't _normal_."

I scowled. "I had a short matter of time to find an artist to get that done." I explained. "If you guys are feeling inspired, feel free to start drawing away."

"I drew all of us!" Charomi called from the back of the room.

Jubilee leaned over and studied it curiously, which of course made me start gnashing my teeth together impatiently. "Is this like a graphic novel or something?" Jubilee asked, pointing at a newly-made drawing.

Charomi's eyes instantly narrowed to dangerous slits. "Anime! It's anime!" She snarled with an amount of fierceness that proves we're related. Immediately it wore off, however, when Jubilee shrank back with a timid nod. My sister beamed at me and with a proud wave of her drawing, added, "That's you frowning."

"And I'm assuming you're the one in the superhero costume." I muttered, fighting not to roll my eyes. Charomi shrugged, blushing happily, before putting her hand back down. I pushed the ultrasound drawing closer to Colossus. "That'll have to do for now. Unless anyone else can draw better than a first-prize winner of an art contest?" I scanned the room for any volunteers. None of them offered.

Pyro, however, did blink in surprise. "You won first-prize in an art contest?" He asked.

"Yep, sure did!" I said brightly. "The judge said there was no one else he could've given the award to, so I obviously—"

"Wait," Charomi protested from the back of the room where I'd hoped she just keep to her freakish self. "That's because you got rid of all the other competition, R—"

"Vendetta! I'm Vendetta, remember?" I hissed before she could continue. Charomi looked puzzled and leaned back in her seat to continue her multi-colored sketches of creative _anime _roses. I sighed and forced myself to stop leaning viciously over the podium like I was going to take a huge bite out of it.

"Like I said, we have a big day ahead. Chop, chop, kiddies: get to work." I turned, letting my baggy sleeves of my sheer jacket sweep past the heads of the mutants seated close to the podium. Quickly I smoothed down my black blouse and wiped off a dirt smudge from my jeans. I must've gotten it while climbing through a tiny manhole on the side of the building that no one but I knew about—you know what? If I tell you, then I won't be the only one to know. Forget it, or I'll make you forget it. Thanks! In any case, I had to look nice.

After all, I had a business meeting to get to!

Jubilee bit her lip nervously. "The second mission? What are we supposed…?" She halted, looking at me in surprise when I smothered a chuckle.

I smiled and winked assuredly at them all. "Mission...uh, Mission-o, Numero Dos: Storm."

Leaving them stuttering and looking stunned, I headed out of the 'Fashion-Designing' schoolroom and headed toward the attic.

...

I whirled around suddenly to my right when I heard a few rapid footsteps behind me. A poke on my left shoulder made me fully aware of who it was. "Will you quit following me?" I demanded. "Go make friends with Barney the Maroon Dinosaur or something." Seriously, this horror was getting on my nerves. I'd put up with her enough before; the last thing I wanted my sister to do when I left was for her to follow me!

Charomi looked at me with wide, puzzled black eyes. "Why can't I come? Where are you going?" She stretched out on her toes to look above me, which really wasn't all that hard these days. She frowned as she realized it was impossible to tell exactly where I was headed to with all of the different chambers and wings of the mansion.

"I'm going nowhere; I'm doing nothing." I promised genially. "Nothing that concerns you, silly. Now get lost before I send you on a cramped boat to Uganda," I paused and hid a smirk as Charomi looked surprisingly stunned. "Later, sis." I finished and began my long and painstaking detours through the mansion to avoid only one of the banes of my existence (which was sadly not something I could just lock in a cabinet for a few weeks, as I don't wanna have to go through all the hassle of holding a hostage and keeping proper care of it and supplying food and water for it again. That was just a waste of my time before; one of my hostage rules now consists of not calling Pizza Hut for food and ending up asking to be rescued. Just didn't work out. Though I did get to blame it on that poor little hobo, so I guess it wasn't a total loss.)

By the time I'd finally got through with slipping around hallways and corners in a very stealthy ninja-like fashion—and almost got taken to Xavier four times for 'suspicious behavior'—I had reached the dusty, ratty old attic. Seriously, it's bad. I have a friend I need to introduce to the mutants. Her name is Spring—Spring Cleaning. Spring Cleaning, meet Lazy Mutants. Lazy Mutants, meet Spring Cleaning. Get the picture? The dark wooden attic was damp and smelly, with boxes piled in all different assortments so I could only assume that the walls were dark brown strips of thin wood behind the miserable cardboard heaps seated precisely below leaky spots in the roof. The only passageway to the world beyond this ugly attic was a small, grimy window facing the front of the school. However, the glass was so filthy it looked like part of the styling on the exterior. Carefully, I heaved up some of the waterlogged boxes—these ones contained Barbies I assumed the teenage students played with in their spare time—and placed it in front of the window. _Better safe than sorry, _I reminded my self with a sigh as I wiped my hands off the grimy smudges on the box.

"Vendetta?" A voice squeaked in a nearby corner. I spun around and crouched close to the floor, preparing to throw one of the mismatched Barbies at the stalker. (On a side-note: the Barbies. They needed to come to our fashion-designing classes. Just saying.)

I finally relaxed as a brown-haired girl stepped through the boxes in a cleanly lilac sweater and faded jeans. "Kitty?" I asked curiously. Shadowcat nodded shortly and briefly skimmed her fingers across the side of a box containing old records and albums. I was starting to think this place was Memory Lane in the form of an ugly old attic for Charlie. I choked on my giggles through my sleeve and forced myself to straighten up and smile at Kitty Pryde, who slowly opened a folded letter.

"'Meet me in the ugly old attic upstairs,'" She quoted from the letter. "'If you don't know how to find the attic of a building, seek an architect.' Did you write this for me?" I nodded. The strained look in her brown eyes flashed stronger. "Why?" She demanded.

"Because I needed to meet with you." I replied simply. Kitty stared at me disbelievingly, but finally gave in and leaned against a pile of boxes behind her. Her look suggested I continue. "Basically, I need to tell you something very important about yourself." Kitty's frown curled uncertainly but I had grasped her full attention to tell her my most important message.

"You're a wimp."

Kitty's eyes turned to baseballs. "Excuse me?" She began.

"You're excused." I said dismissively. "You're a wimp. And a coward. I'd say you were a loser, but you did win a better score than Logan on the golf course, so I guess I can't—"

"How do you think I'm a wimp?" Kitty interrupted, looking very upset. Good. Fall for my trap, little mutant, fall for it.

"Because," I answered casually. "You don't take risks."

"But I risk my neck for good cau—" Kitty began to stammer.

"Yeah, yeah. Sure. Face it: you're a wimp. I'd call you a chicken," I said thoughtfully. "But I've known some pretty brave chickens in my lifetime, so…" Kitty looked deeply offended, her eyes full of hurt.

"I take risks." She argued.

I narrowed my eyes, smirking at her. "Do you take dares?" I challenged. A shiver ran through Kitty; I guess my tone was pretty chilly. I took a step closer, looking defiantly up at her. "Does the little Kitty take _Doggy_ Dares?"

Her face filled with a mixture of shock, worry, and curiosity. I held back a diabolical grin and pointed at her challenge. Kitty trembled nervously, but peered down at it as I grinned devilishly, already preparing to wave good-bye.

Curiosity killed the cat.

…

Okay, fine. The cat didn't die. This isn't a death fic. Happy? So I'll edit the saying for those of you sitting in your chairs snarling, "Don't kill Kitty!" The saying now stands as:

Curiosity made the cat fall down a very long drop.

"So you set up a trampoline?" Kitty asked skeptically. I nodded, my best pure-innocence look perched on my face. Speaking of my looks, no reverting back to my original form had happened. Strange.

"Yep!" I said brightly. "Don't worry, if that doesn't catch you, I have a surfing model standing beneath the trampoline waiting for ya, just in case."

That was about the point where Kitty Pryde threw herself through the hidden wall and plunged into the sky below.

"AHHHHH! VENDETTA YOU LIIIIIIAAARR!" The bellow rang out through the sky.

Hurriedly I shoved the waterlogged boxes out of the way, grabbed a baseball bat and smashed my way through the grimy glass window. Poking my head out through the gap I could see Shadowcat falling through the sharp gargoyles I'd recently "told" Xavier I was putting up and straight into the heaping pile of mud I'd gotten on a very good trade. All I had to do was make Pyro sew up the traders' highly-flammable thermal blankets. Huh.

"Wow, I can't believe you actually for that!" I yelled down to her. "Now I owe Pyro seven bucks!" Like I'd bet with Pyro. Pfff.

I snickered to myself, feeling my pride in a job well done fill me up and course through my veins. Grinning, I waved towards the retreating and rather muddy figure that was Kitty. "Ouch!" I spat, pulling my hand back protectively. How had I ended up on the windowsill?

_Oh no…not now! No, no, NO!_

"Nyaaaa!" I started to shriek, feeling my thin ears pull back defensively. _Stupid, stupid talking tornado!_ My original form…it had finally come back. I was stuck again. _Oh, great!_

**(A/N: Wait for iiiiiiit…)**

"HSSSSS!" Angrily, I flexed my claws and swiped out at a stray shred of glass barely clinging to the old wooden frame, feeling my anger and frustration build up within the swing of my black paw.

_…_In Other News _(A few hours earlier)…_

"Where am I?" Emilie Amandla whimpered fearfully. The last few hours had been a jumble of confusion. First, she'd been lecturing the student she had preparing her meal in the mansion about dicing the onions. Next, she was being yanked in the back by her pigtails and shoved into a damp crate. When she'd started shrieking, she had been immediately knocked out with some kind of gas blown into the crate. Now she was awake and crawling awkwardly out the crate only to find out that she was nowhere near she'd been before.

Emilie began straightening her hat. "Someone answer me!" She shrieked out angrily, summoning her power with all her strength. A soft voice came from behind her, too quiet for her to hear correctly. "Repeat yourself!" She demanded shrilly.

"You're at Alkali Lake!" The voice answered.

Alkali…? Emilie Amandla strode off vehemently, gripping one of her ballet shoes in her palm. "You better have a reason for this!" She yelled out, glancing about skeptically. A man in a bright white lab coat stepped towards her, smiling genially. Emilie blinked and approached him. "What's going on?"

"Are you Emilie McFreak?"

"McFreak?" She repeated in surprise. _Stupid Vendetta!_

"Yeah." The man nodded happily. "We're just so happy you volunteered to be tested for our new project!" He gushed. _What? _"We rarely get people who are entirely willing to be deformed and reshaped to look exactly like an orangutan! You're really helping out the science community. We just want to prove that there is a missing link to humanity-_you_!"

Emilie felt herself being nudged and carried off into some kind of underground base and let out angry, vicious demands ordering that they had the wrong freak. "Lemme go you idiots! You got the wrong giiiiiiiirl!" Emilie's faint cries began to grown far more distant as they descended into the tunnel.

From an area hidden behind the leafy trees, a young woman saluted the scene below. "Good luck, Stryker." She snickered, grinning from ear to ear. "Remember: there's a **no **exchange or return policy on _that _one, Stryker!"

**0.0…not one of my best chapters. Sorry, guys. There's been a lot going on in my life that I haven't had the time or mood to sit down at write. Hope this does it.**

**For some clarification:**

**Yes, Vendetta is a cat. A small black-and-white cat, to be specific. This explains her cleanliness, her love of yarn, 'nya' the Japanese word for 'meow', etc. And yes, Charomi is part-cat too. As for what the Tornado is? Well, wait and see. Bwahaha...**

**This story seems to be coming to a close…two more chapters, I believe. For those two chapters, please submit ideas or mutants that you wish to see Vendetta the Kitty (which, keep in mind, the mutants don't know this innocent kitten is the mischievous Vendetta) drive insane. Let me know if you want to see the Jean's Ultrasound with Pyro too, okay? It's probably going to fit its way in there. ;)**

**Thanks for all the encouragement! Sorry this chapter is so late, once again. **

**Review to feed a mutant a (poisonous) cookie!**

**-Vendetta**


	8. Hello Evil Kitty!

**Well, it's been about, um, FOREVER since I updated this. It has only a few chapters left, and what do I do? I ignore updating it—of course. Anyways, here's the story.**

**For the Record: 1. I don't know who all is allowed in when a pregnant woman's getting her ultrasound, so just ignore that fact later on, kay?**

**Disclaimer: If you've thought that I've owned the X-Men up to this point …then I want you to read the name of this site to yourself over and over until you get the **_**Fan**_** part of the Fiction. **

_**Why You Should Read This:**_** We get to see some interaction between Vendetta and Charomi, and in the **next chapter**, we'll see the issue with Jean's so-called ultrasound, and, by popular request, **_what happens with _**Magneto and Mystique ****(continued in next chapter)**_**!**_

**Enjoy!**

Hello (Evil) Kitty!

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME OR WHAT?" I screeched, tearing up the soft cardboard box with my claws. "You couldn't give me a little time? YOU _IDIOTS_!" My voice was an unnatural yowl as I stood there, baring my miniature set of fangs at the ceiling in search of the Tornado of Laws.

A breeze swept gently in the attic and ran through my black and white fur. My skin crawled as I tensed and scented the air carefully. Nothing. My ears slicked against my skull, I turned about slowly to see a flurry of words and wind behind me. Immediately I flattened against the box I'd climbed and hissed at the word 'Deadline.'

"YOU'VE FAILED AGAIN. THIS IS JUST YOUR COMEUPPANCE." The loud, breezy voice declared.

I sank my claws further into the cardboard box. "Everything was going according to plan." I snapped. "I had it under control."

A moment of silence stretched into a seeming eternity. "I HAVE NO REASON TO BELIEVE THAT." The Tornado said at last. I unleashed a growl deep within my throat. So what if I'd let a few mistakes slip through? So what if a few uninvited guests had showed up without my planning? That didn't mean my mission had failed!

I faced the flurry of words once again. "I'll fix it." I muttered back, even though I failed to see the need.

"AGREED." It sighed. I blinked in surprise at the unexpected impatience in its "voice".

"Great! Now return me to my other form, 'cause I think I feel a hairball coming."

"NO."

"I'm serious, it's coming up my throat and it's really itchy, so turn me back before I cough it up all over the—"

A loud gust of wind knocked me off my dainty pink paws. "Ow!" I complained, twitching my whiskers and shaking my ears. "What did you do that for?" The breezy black and gray words shimmered brighter inside the whirring hurricane. I flattened lower against the box I was on top of. It's not like I was afraid or anything. I shrunk back because it was…more comfortable, okay? Yeah, that's it.

Oh, _shut_ _it_ already!

"YOU WILL COMPLETE YOUR GOAL IN YOUR ORIGINAL FORM." The Tornado declared somewhat irritably. "PERHAPS THIS TIME YOU WILL HAVE MORE LUCK."

"Luck?" I nearly shrieked the word. "Luck? Luck doesn't come from _cats_! People even think of us as _un_lucky! Luck is as nonexistent as the stupid leprechauns and the stupid cereal that supposedly have this useless garbage you call lu—hey! I'm talking to you!" My screeching was nothing compared to the loud noises of thunder and flashes of lightning as the Tornado disappeared.

"I can't believe it!" I yowled, clawing away at the cardboard boxes full of Barbies. "What am I supposedly gonna do as a useless little kitten? How can I cause mayhem as an adorable little hairball no one's going to look twice at? Ohh…never mind!" I called back cheekily. I could hear the footsteps of another mutant coming up the stairs toward the attic I was isolated in. Happily I flicked up my tail and put on my cutest face that probably looked like some kind of demented Grinch-like feline.

"I swear it; Xavier still hasn't moved all those Barbie dolls that Jean and Storm used to play with when they were kids." One kid was saying, "And I have a theory as to why he hasn't yet, too!"

"Why's that, John?" _Pyro? My minion? Perfect!_

"I think it's because—"

"Meow!" I called out, flicking my tail back and forth lightly. The light from the opened door leading into the hallway caught on my black and white fur, making my perfect innocence seem all the more, um, perfect and innocent. Or should I say purrfect?

Right, I shouldn't. Moving on!

"Hey look! A cat." The other boy—who turned out to be Colossus—noted. "I was pretty sure that Xavier had a strict 'No Pets' policy."

Pyro snorted and crouched down next to me. "Who cares?" He replied confidently. "Do I follow every little order of Xavier's? No!" After a brief pause he added, "Just, um—don't tell him, okay?" Colossus nodded and Pyro reached to grab me by my scruff.

Maybe you're a cat lover. Maybe you think we cats are pesky little furballs. Maybe you just don't care and want me to get to my point, in which case I will for all you impatient little dorks out there. My point is this: some cats don't mind being picked up by their scruff. However, some do.

Guess which category I'm in?

"Mrrrrow!" I purred at Pyro as he grabbed the loose skin between my shoulder blades and neck. As soon as my back paws were only touching the floor by my claws, I unsheathed my front claws and gave Pyro's hand a few quick slashes he'd have trouble forgetting.

"Ow!" He complained as he sucked on his wound. "That hurt!" More mischievously, he added, "Let's light the cat on fire!"

"Hello! Have you ever even _heard _of animal rights?" I yelled at him, which of course came out in the form of a protesting yowl. Of course I wasn't able to speak any human language; this was probably my boss' form of a joke. Hardy har-har.

Colossus, however, does seem to have morality that under normal circumstances I would be firm to get rid of. In this case I was almost purring with relief. "We shouldn't." He told Pyro. "It's just a defenseless little kitten." Defenseless? Well, he's an idiot, but at least he's siding with me!

"Mew!" I answered, beaming affectionately up at them. Pyro looked terribly disappointed at the failure of his hopes of turning me into a feline fire, but he nodded obediently to Colossus.

"Okay, fine." He muttered. "But I don't want to keep it."

I glanced over uneasily at Colossus. He shook his head after a brief moment spent studying me. "Neither do I." He admitted. My Cheshire smile must've immediately flipped over in dismay. They wouldn't leave me in the attic, would they?

"We'll give her to that one chick," Pyro decided. "You know, Vendetta's crazed sister who keeps saying that weird Japanese meow all the time."

"Yeah," His friend agreed. "Good idea."

"NO!" I bellowed at them, which of course they decided was my caterwaul of glee. Those idiots didn't know a thing about cats, I swear. How could there be a caterwaul of glee—I'd give the same response if they'd decided to drop me in a blender and hit 'frappe'!

"Morons!" I yelled at them.

"Good kitty!" They cooed back before immediately looking self-conscious. Oh, brother.

…

"Oh, I love kitties!" Charomi declared eagerly. I imagined that her eyes were bright with happiness and her hands were probably already reaching for the potato sac those two morons had decided was appropriate to carry a kitten in. Stupid minions. "Let me see it!" Charomi continued, and this time I could feel the weight of the bag shifting to her fingers.

"Never!" I hissed as I continued trying to scratch my way out of the bag. Abruptly the bag jolted up and down, sending me into a paranoia that involved claustrophobia, nicking my claws on the bag, and landing on my sensitive whiskers a few times as the bag went up and down, up and down, up and…hopefully none of your are getting seasick out there. If so, ha-ha!

I tumbled uneasily out of the bag and onto my familiar bed in my dorm room. The soft cushioned comforter blanket chafed against my nose and muzzle, which made me sneeze a few times until finally I crawled off of my face and stood on my little paws.

"Oh, I know you!" Charomi giggled in acknowledgment. "Vendetta, what are you doing as a cat again?"

I twitched my tail crossly. "Nothing! It's not my fault. That stupid Tornado Guidelines thing turned me back into a cat because I wasn't doing my job to its standards. Isn't that messed up?" I glanced over at my sister, looking for conformity. "Isn't it absurd that it wouldn't trust me to cause every…mutant….here…misery—uh, Charomi, what are you doing with that?"

"With what?" My sister asked while creeping closer with the item clenched in her fist.

"_That_. That right there, in your palm." I explained, dipping my head to the jingly band.

"Oh, this?" Charomi inquired and launched into one of her inane laughs. "This is just something that'd be so _kawaii_ on you!"

"_Kawaii_?" I repeated, puzzled. Then she grabbed my scruff (honestly, most cats **don't** like that. Stop doing that to us, people! Seriously, it's stinking annoying!) She then hauled me up onto the nightstand so she could hold me down better. "Let me go!" I hissed, scratching at her fingers as she looped the collar around my neck. "This isn't funny, Charomi!"

She grinned maliciously. "I find it hilarious!" She answered, and finished buckling the collar in the back. I looked down at the blue band of imprisonment in wide-eyed dismay. At the slightest movement on my part, the bell released an annoying jingling noise that promised I wouldn't be able to sneak up on anyone here.

"Oh, come on!" I snapped at her, my fur bristling along my spine. As she calmly wiped a few droplets of blood that my claws had caused, she mimicked my kitty-cat face and smiled happily. "This is horrible! Get it off me, Char! It seriously isn't funny!" I insisted.

"Too bad." Char purred back, turning around abruptly to brush back her hair. "You should be glad I'm here, really. I must be the only one that can understand cats here at this school." _I don't take that as a blessing, thank you! _I thought witheringly back at her. "And another thing," She continued, "What was your mission here in the first place?"

I froze for a few heartbeats. I hadn't told my sister my goal for a good reason. Like the annoying little sister she was, she'd try to follow me into my assignment and ruin—my—**life**. I wasn't going to let that happen, so I'd told her I was just going to a boarding school. Apparently that didn't stop her from stalking me here anyway.

When I didn't answer, Charomi pouted at me. "I told you my mission!" She pointed out sadly.

I looked up crossly at her. "No, you didn't." I retorted.

"I didn't?" She wondered, considering it. She shook her head to clear away the thought. "Well I meant to. My mission was to get closer as sisters, nya!" She picked me up and squeezed me tightly. "And now we can! Not only do I have my sister back, but a kitty too!"

"Agh!—let me go, you retard." I growled, slicing at her sleeve's cuff. "This isn't the time to get all dreamy and stupid on me. Unfortunately, I'm going to need your help now to complete my mission."

"And that is?" Charomi pressed. I began to get the feeling that she knew my objective, but just wanted me to admit it out loud. I frowned as best I could as a cat.

"The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world!" I declared dryly.

"Pinky? The world?" Charomi looked bewildered.

"No, idiot. My goal is to drive the X-Men insane!"

"Ohh, that would explain the title." Charomi noted.

"Title?"

"Yeah, your title."

"Ah, I meant to change that…" I shook my head. "That's not important now. What is important—" I couldn't complete my sentence, because instantaneously my sister screamed. I flattened myself against the nightstand and bared my fangs out warningly before realizing it was a false alarm.

"Do I get to wear a ninja outfit?" Charomi shrieked eagerly, nearly destroying my sensitive eardrums in the process. "I know songs about ninjas too! _'O-m-g-g, you can't see me-me! I'm blended in just like a pine tree-tree!'_"(Charomi: Vendetta doesn't know im typing whiles shes not here heehee…hi everyone! I love this song! *hyper* _Vendetta: Guess again, Char._)

"No, you don't wear a ninja outfit or sing songs about ninjas and trees." I told her furiously. She stayed silent this time to mull it over as I continued. "What are important are your instructions. I need you to rally my minions." I sighed irately and studying my slightly fluffy, black-and-white fur. "I can't motivate or threaten them as a kitten. Looks like I'm left with field work."

Char snapped her fingers. I looked up, startled. "I've got it." She declared excitedly. "I'll pose as the evil head-honcho big boss calling all the shots. And you can be the kitty that sits on my laps and makes demented evil faces that I stroke as I diabolically plot out my masterminded schemes!"

There was a short pause before I answered crisply, "No. Instead—write this down—give these instructions to Jubilee…"

**Are you disappointed? Well, no worries, since the next chapter discusses the ultrasound and what's going on Maggie and Mystique. Because I owe all of you so much, I'm posting the next chapter right now as well. Review please!**


	9. Never Insult a Lady: Or You'll Pay

**Onward!**

** -Vendetta**

Never Insult a Lady (Or You'll Pay)

X…_With Jean, Scott, Beast, Logan, Xavier, and Jubilee…X_

"That can't be right." Beast broke the silence at last. His eyes were squinting hard at the photograph into front of him, and his jaw was set in rigid confusion.

"But it is," Jubilee chattered back, somewhat nervously. "Jean just got her ultrasound done today. That's what it looks like, all right."

Scott stared at the picture through his ruby lenses. "That's impossible," He burst out.

Jubilee shrugged, smiling awkwardly as she tried to deliver her cold remark with the same casualness Vendetta used. "Hey, it's not like you were there or anything. Only the father was allowed to be there too, so—"

She clamped her mouth shut as Scott angrily tore his glasses off and shot his laser vision at a vase in the hallway.

Quietly Beast murmured, "Therefore no one was allowed with her to the ultrasound, Jubilee. We don't know _who_ the father of the child is—but it certainly isn't me!" He added quickly at Logan and Scott's fearsome glares.

"We ca-can't be positive." Jubilee stammered. Scott and Logan ignored her and proceeded with their fearsome glares. Beast shifted under the spite in their eyes. He had no clue why suddenly they were both out to kill him. Ever since that stupid rumor…who had even started it anyway? He groaned inwardly. He had a likely suspect in mind. Why was he always getting blamed for everything? He shook his head and noted how the two jealous men's eyes followed his movements—well, at least Logan's did; he couldn't be sure about Scott's eyes under those sunglasses.

Jean glanced between the three men, each of them accused of being the father to her false child. Logan was angrily yelling at Scott, Scott was preparing to rip his glasses off and possibly kill everyone in the room, and Beast was just standing there, shaking his head and sighing a lot.

"Look, everyone," She began placating them. She would love it if they would just figure out the truth once and for all. Her hopes rose a little. After all, Vendetta wasn't here to interrupt her.

Jubilee hesitated only a second before leaping in front of Jean and holding out the ultrasound. "The doctor says it's a boy!" She screeched loudly. "And that it looks just like its father!" With that, Jubilee raced quickly out of the kitchen. Loud shouts could be heard from a distant hallway. Jean decided to ignore it and focus on telling all of them the truth, but by now it was too late.

"It looks like me!" Scott was the first to yell.

"No, it doesn't!" Logan snapped back.

"It bares no resemblance to me." Beast began quickly. Then he leaned down and peered closely at the 'ultrasound'. "Actually, it's a rather ugly-looking thing. No offense, Jean." He added.

"None taken." Jean Grey replied honestly. How could she be offended? It wasn't her child. She studied the picture again and curled her lip in distaste. The closest relative that baby could have belonged on Granny Grey's fridge.

"It looks a **lot** like Jean to me." Jubilee piped up from around the corner. Her head was poking out from the hallway that led to the kitchen. The elder mutants turned slowly to her and stared (while Jean fought to unleash her anger and go Phoenix on the twerp) until Jubilee giggled nervously and slipped back into the hallway.

Beast squirmed again, cleared his throat, and directed his sharp yellow gaze on where Jubilee was a moment ago. She had looked uncharacteristically nervous. He frowned harder, trying to figure out her purpose behind this obviously false ultrasound. Was she working for Vendetta? And why? Dr. Hank McCoy slipped his gaze to the Professor this time, who had long given up on settling this complicated ruse of Jean's pregnancy. The doctor straightened his spine and turned back to Wolverine and Cyclops, determined to set the matter straight himself. The two mutants weren't looking at him anymore. Instead, Logan was angrily jabbing his fingers—it was better than jabbing his claws—at Scott. In return, Scott was retorting with an insult somewhere along the lines of 'Shorty'. Beast winced. _That will certainly anger him, _He noted, watching as Logan's claws snapped out. With one more glance to Xavier, he saw that the Professor was warily watching them both.

Beast ran his hand through his darker hair and exhaled loudly. He was starting to see why Jubilee chose to help Vendetta: it currently appeared to be the winning side. It would take a miracle to untangle all the messes that little brat—whom he was starting to question about whether or not she was even a mutant—had created. Beast contemplated it for a moment. The problems could be resolved quickly and easily with just a few calm explanations, but the chances of Vendetta allowing her mess to be smoothed over so easily? Very unlikely! The only way that would happen is if for some odd reason she was unable to do something about it, unable to trick and befuddle the poor mutants of this school any longer.

But the likeliness of _that_ happening…

Beast shook his head firmly. No, it was impossible, really. Something like that couldn't happen.

…_Meanwhile…_

"No!" A cat screech was heard loudly through the halls.

"But, sister!" Charomi protested, clutching the paper sack tightly in her hands.

"Never!" The kitten insisted as she angrily lashed her fluffy tail. Charomi made pleading, shining eyes at her and held out the bag. One quick sniff confirmed Vendetta's worst nightmare. She wrinkled her pink nose and scowled. "I refuse! Now leave me alone!"

Her sister glared harder and pressed the bag forward determinedly. "You have to eat it, Vendetta!" She pointed out. "You're a cat, and cats eat cat food!"

"Not this cat!" The black-and-white kitten retorted.

Charomi stared pleadingly for a few minutes, but finally ripped her gaze away and stared, transfixed, at the cat food bag. "It's been proven to help prevent hairballs." She argued softly, touching the bag with her finger.

Vendetta scowled deeply. "I don't need—"She cut her off with a brief cough. "I don't have a—ack, just get me some water already! No, not the _cat food_,you idiot!"

X…_With Magneto and Mystique…X_

Magneto coughed and bit down gently on his fist. He certainly hoped she hadn't heard the sound that marked his position. Nervously he looked down again, studying the shiny steel bars he'd used to wrap around and form a safe house, or perhaps a panic room. It couldn't be considered a room though, much less a house. It was too small—it barely held him and his food rations as he sat there as he had for an entire twenty-seven hours. He rubbed his sore arm painfully; it hurt to move, so perhaps it was a good thing he had little room. So far, the hiding place had served its purpose: Mystique hadn't found him yet.

Maybe she hadn't heard the cough.

"Magneto…" Her voice called over the tense quiet.

Okay, so she'd heard him. Maybe she'd forgiven him—or hopefully would be willing to listen to his side of the puzzling story.

"Magneto…" She repeated, an edge of danger in her voice. "You're dead when I find you!"

Magneto narrowed his eyes and screwed up his face, hoping that he'd concealed the metal fort well enough from her sharp yellow eyes. But maybe he hadn't, in his rush to avoid every mutant power known. Perhaps he hadn't realized how dangerous it would be if Mystique turned on him.

Another voice sounded. "So what, we rebelling on the boss?" It asked.

"Not exactly." Mystique answered vaguely. Magneto could picture her eyeing the scenery around her, her fists clenched tightly. He'd be okay, as long as those fists didn't wrap around his windpipe in suffocation…what if she copied Pyro's power and...? He frowned hard and tightened his grip on his knees as his teeth ground into his knuckle. Outside, his former subordinates were still talking.

"Wait. I thought you died in the first movie, Toad."

"First movie?" The sound of Toad's lengthy tongue snapping made Magneto open his eyes and scowl into the sound's direct of origin. How distasteful; hopefully Toad hadn't eaten a bird again.

"Yes." Mystique sounded impatient. "The first movie. You and Sabretooth both—"

"NO! They can't know yet!" A voice yelled from a short distance behind Magneto. He grimaced and tried to place it, but the shrill holler seemed to be a new one. "Vendetta," It continued. "What are we going to—?"

The inane whine was cut off first by a loud caterwaul, and then the sound of Mystique yelling in anger. Toad started screeching and yelling, pleading for the new attacker to spare his life. Another thrilling shriek rose in the air, and the sound of Toad's whimpering arose.

After a few silent moments, Magneto crawled out of the metal contraption he'd locked himself in and studied the scene. Mystique was nowhere to be found, and Toad was lying on the ground, half-conscious and still moaning. _Good. The vulgar pest deserved it._ Magneto sniffed and strode forward more confidently, trying to pretend that he hadn't been hiding from his unofficial second-in-command—make that _former_ second-in-command.

"Mrrow." The Brotherhood leader glanced down and looked at the small scrap of fur beside his feet. It was wriggling and absentmindedly sitting on Toad's face. It yawned loudly and outstretched its claws, causing Toad to mutter a few pleads under his breath.

"A cat?" He said aloud, somewhat disgusted and completely confused. When did the cat get there?

"Oh, there you are!" The new voice cooed. The owner of the voice—a teenage girl with a chipper grin—raced over and plucked the cat up. In response, the cat pulled desperately at Toad's skin with its claws, trying hard to stay on the ground and away from the girl.

After his desperate attempt to escape from Mystique, he'd gotten quite sidetracked and, well, lost. "Miss?" Magneto asked, frowning inwardly. The girl looked up expectantly. "Where am I, exactly? I'm afraid that I—"

"Silly Maggie!" The girl giggled. Magneto did a double-take at her and frowned hard. _Maggie? Does this child have me confused with someone else?_ "You're at Xavier's School for the Gifted!"

"P-pardon?" He stammered, eyeing the moss-covered building to his west. The girl didn't lie: he was at Charles' mutant school. That meant that the girl holding the oddly upset-looking cat was most likely a mutant. He straightened and tried to appear casual. "Yes, of course. Could you please direct me to the front entrance?" The girl beamed and waved to the front gate.

This was most likely a foolish idea. An idea that could get him killed—or some fresh new minions. Plus, his rebelling subordinates were still out here as well, probably scouring the area for him. They probably wouldn't try to sneak inside Xavier's mansion. Then again, they had all gone mad. Who knew the reason they rebelled so abruptly? Magneto sighed and shook his helmet-covered head once before heading in the direction of the gate. Once he got there…he'd plan it on the way.

Meanwhile, from inside the shadows of the trim bushes in front, two yellow eyes glowered treacherously at his retreating form. "I'll kill you, Eri—Magneto. Just you wait."

The girl was chattering on endlessly to Magneto, her arms still trapping the cat. The black-and-white hairball struggled a moment before stretching its head over her shoulder. Without a single movement, its scheming eye twitched into a knowing wink. In response, the hidden mutant's eyes narrowed as she smirked, her gaze flipping back to the unsuspecting Magneto.

_Oh, he's dead._

**Well, I finally got the chapter out. Um…don't kill me?**

**So I finally got to writing what happened with Magneto and Mystique. I hope all of you reading this enjoyed it; let me know in a review!**

**So there'll be maybe, I dunno, two or three more chapters. Yeah, I said that before, but I say that again since one of those chapters will be an epilogue. If you have any requests for CHARACTERS TO GET DRIVEN INSANE, let me know and I'll try to make your dreams come true…here in FanFiction world. **

**(Vendetta's 'Hit List')**

**-**Storm

-Magneto

-Jean

-_Whoever else the reviewers want to see tortured!_


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